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Opening Up The Pussy Portal

By Angela Gallo

Opening Up The Pussy Portal

I want to talk to you about what a shame it is that we don’t know ourselves. In fact, it is an absolute tragedy that we don’t know ourselves. And aa result of not really knowing ourselves, we then have no hope in hell of actually loving ourselves either. I’m talking about the truest version of ourselves. You’ll never be able to fully grieve with integrity the ways that you should be loving yourself if you don’t even know yourself to begin with. You are not this one-dimensional skin suit that only needs to shit, eat and sleep. You need to be cracked wide open, and I’ve got just the thing to help you do it.

Enter the Phenomenology Of The Pussy Portal. This is an online course exclusively available as a once-off learning experience that has just begun, so jump in before it’s gone. 

This course is a hot pot of philosophy, sensuality, blood, ritual, practice, conspiracy theory, astrology, extra sensory perception, witch based learning experience that will stimulate you from your clit to your third eye. A deep dive into esoteric erotica of our true nature, past, present and future.

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Angel: I wanted to come on and I wanted to talk to you about what a fucking shame it is that we don't know ourselves. I really believe that the most tragic acts, more tragic than any Shakespearean play, more tragic than any notebook or rom-com or anything that Ryan Reynolds could possibly do to us, is the way that we don't know ourselves. You might say - and actually, I think that it's the not loving ourselves that is tragic.

But how the fuck could we expect to grieve - not loving ourselves as it should be grieved - if we don't know ourselves. It's like feeling heartbroken about a relationship that goes to shit with a person that you don't actually know. That's literally just performative heartbreak, in my opinion.

And I think that because so many of us are addicted to that struggle and the suffering, we're also indulging a performative level of heartbreak in the ways that we don't love ourselves.

And that is tragic. It is tragic because if I were to ask you if you know yourself, you wouldn't be able to tell me your soul's favourite colour, and it's kind of like when you ask somebody who is crying and weeping and there's something that feels theatrical, there's something that feels dramatic about the ways that they are discussing that separation or that divorce or that break-up and you say, "Okay, cool so what was their favourite colour? What was their favourite flower? What did they love to eat?" And that person will just sit there dumbfounded, not knowing what to say. And I believe that that's the distinction here that I'm trying to bring up, is that you'll never be able to fully grieve with integrity the ways that you should be loving yourself if you don't even know yourself to begin with.

Understanding the layers of you, understanding the fields of your existence, understanding how each one of those layers requires a different version of you. Understanding that you are not this one-dimensional skin suit that only needs to shit and eat and sleep and sometimes fuck. Our depth is commanding us to learn how to swim. We have a depth to us that we are so afraid of drowning - drowning within - that we forget that we were born with gills, gills that allow us to breathe in a depth that brings us to our greatness. You cannot get caught up in this narrative.

This narrative that the world keeps feeding you about your waist needs to be smaller or your, you know, your pounds on the scale or the kilos on the scale needing to be less, or the colour of your hair or your marital status or any quantitative qualitative goal post that society puts in front of you, that you chase like a dog chasing its tail, your whole damn life as a measure of your self-worth, as a measure of the way you love yourself, as a measure of the way that you respect yourself. You will never respect yourself if you keep chasing those goalposts.

You will never, ever value the life you have if you keep measuring the value of that life against reference points that don't work for you, that aren't you and that mean nothing to you. That's the tragedy, friends, the tragedy is that we are so caught up self-deprecating and being trendy, hating ourselves or actually hating ourselves because of our scenario, our circumstances, our conditioning, our lives, our jobs, our relationship, that so few of us are brave enough to be like, "I'm so fucking bored being Voldemort. Having these Horcruxes in a million different places, looking like a shrivelled old snake's asshole is like not working for me. This is really lonely. It's really boring. Maybe I might consider that Harry and his pals have a little bit of a som-something that I need to catch up on to. Right. And really, why Harry Potter was so fucking important is that it's all about this integration of darkness and light. It's all about this alter ego, right? Same thing like when Ron Weasley a.k.a. Rupert Grint, my boo. Rupert, if you're watching this, I love you. When he also puts on the Horcrux and he turns into this asshole at that period in time.

And, Hermione, who - thank you, Valerie Franco, for writing so much incredible literature about the little agency of women in writing - Hermione is very much on her own heroine's journey and the ways that she's able to come in and kind of diffuse the scenario and help these two people on this fucking huge adventure, understand their own magic. Do you see that? Hermione, the only person with a womb in this little circle of friends, that is helping them to understand their magic, that is helping them to know their darkness, that is helping them to see the resourcefulness, that is helping them to see beyond self-limiting perceptions? Yes, I refer a lot of shit to Harry Potter, you should know that by now. The ways that all of this transpires is such a great place for us to look right now because anybody in any piece of writing, whether it is a Star Wars or it is Harry Potter, mainstream cinema, as Joseph Campbell discusses in The Man With A Thousand Faces, we are all living - or Valerie Franco, by the way - we are all living a hero on a heroine's journey. We are all living under a thousand masks. We are all living and drowning under the weight of those masks. But we're convincing ourselves that we're drowning under our sadness, our melancholy, our desperation.

Depression is literally the opposite of self-expression. It's the opposite of meaning that is only found in expression. Emptiness literally comes from the void of self-expression and the layers once you actually start to pay attention. Where is that darkness buried? Where is that light hiding? What is my default? Where are my triggers? What are my biases? It is fucking sobering to get to a point when you realize that you actually don't know yourself at all. You're basically walking around in a giant house of mirrors with a thousand masks on your face. Has anybody here walked into a house of mirrors in the carnival and you're like, "I have no fucking idea where to go". Like, it's actually quite frightening. You have no idea how to get out of that maze. And this is what we're living day-to-day. We're living in a house of mirrors. We're living in a house of mirrors and we're wearing masks and we don't even recognize ourselves. We don't recognize ourselves therefore, how can we recognize and find or sniff the way out? How can we find the fun in something that is going to feel overwhelming until we make light of it?

So I created this course literally because you are crying out for it every single day. I am getting requests about coaching, requests about working with me, attending an event, and I feel like there are many of you that are not ready to work with me, and so that really put me into a place of, "Okay, how can I create something that's going to bridge the gap between when somebody is not ready to work with me and somebody is absolutely ready to work with me?" And this is what Phenomenology of the Pussy Portal is.

It is all about the medicine of self. It is all about learning to heal yourself, know yourself, love yourself so that you don't come to me looking for me to fill some kind of void. So that you don't leave that transaction again feeling like, "Fuck! This is a Break-Up." Right? It's about knowing yourself, knowing your layers, knowing your magic, not knowing how to self settle, but how to self excel. Is important to remember this. This is not about self-settling. It is about self excelling. How do I understand the mechanics, how do I understand the organics? How do I dance with the demons? How do I really make use of that light? How do I seduce my sadness out of myself? How do I become unbelievably aware of my own needs moment to moment? How do I play with my authority? How do I help, you know, myself by understanding my human design, by understanding that I'm not a fucking robot and that I absolutely have a strategy? We all have embedded strategies. What are my biological imperatives? Cool. What are my soul imperatives? What do I need to do to help myself? And this was important for me. This was important for me to create this. It was important for me to give you a place to start. Particularly those of you who are online and can't work with me in person. And then those of you who perhaps believe you're ready to work with me, but you're not. I would scare the shit out of you. I want to scare you, but there needs to be a middle ground because you need to grow to a place where you're no longer scared, you're excited about what terrifies you. You're looking more for the thrill of that breakthrough versus the thrill of being able to be scared of me and walk away with a T-shirt that says "I survived Angela. 2020." There is no exit in the gift shop when you work with me. When you're in an event with me, there is no exit through the gift shop people.

So creating something that was really going to speak to the innerness of all of you, the innerness of your house of mirrors, something that you could do in the comfort of your own home, something that you could do in the comfort of your own climax, something that you could do in the comfort of your own confrontation or at your own pace, all the while finding that circle and finding that community, that's the Phenomenology of the Pussy Portal. It's something that I could come to you and talk to you about everything and anything. My expressions, my mediums, all of the ways that I've learned to know myself metaphysically and helping you to do the same thing. Of course, going to have the magic mentorship but that's a year-long thing, that's completely different.

I also wanted to take a second to read a little bit of a snippet from Osho Intimacy. This is Claire's book. Claire Davies - I'm fucking obsessed with this book. So this Osho book is intimacy, trusting oneself and the other. And it is all about, of course, are multiple, you know, the multiple ways that we do and participate and engage in the separation of self on a daily basis. And the ways that we actually other ourselves, the ways that we other the world because we other ourselves and everything that I'm passionate about right now, which is the intimacy of self. I was a guest on a podcast this morning, this Steve Kid podcast, and we were talking so much about this and he was asking me questions about, you know, what do you do? Like, what do you do? What's happening for you? Where is this going? And I went on this rant about honestly, in a perfect world, I help people divorce their hallmark ideas of this fetishized romance that leaves us feeling dissatisfied, heartbroken, wanting, thinking we are broken, thinking we are unlovable.

I would love a world where we all divorce our reality and learn that there will always be a void until we learn to fill ourselves. And the intimacy of self and in the integration of all those parts of selves is such a huge part of that.

In any case, I want to touch base on one specific part of this, which is what? Authenticity. And I believe that in a world where there is so much that is trendy, so much that is hashtag authentic, so much that is 'authentic branding', we lose sight of what being authentic actually means. Authenticity is inner truth. Unless your expression is coming from a place of inner truth, you are not being authentic. You might convince yourself you're being authentic. You might convince yourself you are who you are and this is who I am moment to moment, you know, "oh, here's my mom bun. Here's my fucking Lululemon tights and this is just me. Take it or leave it. Fuck you and I do what I want". That's not authenticity. Authenticity is who are you on the inside? What is your truth? Moment to moment. Second to second. What is your full range of emotion? Who you are from those places and how you act and how you interact with the world from those places is where authenticity is. And a lot of people are not doing them. And that's what is keeping us sick and keeping us suffocating on the potential of what our voices could be.

And so Osho says, "Always look here. The first thing is in your being. Do not allow others to manipulate and control you as there are many. Everybody is ready to control you. Everybody is ready to change you. Everybody is ready to give you a direction that you have not asked for. Everybody is giving you a guide for your life. Everybody is eager to give you the guide for your life. But that guide exists within you. You carry the blueprint. To be authentic means to be one self. But beyond that, true to one's self, and it is a very, very dangerous phenomenon, you know, rare, very rare that people these days right now can do that. Being authentic to one's true self. But whenever people do it, they apply themselves, they achieve it and they achieve such beauty and such grace and such contentment that you cannot even begin to imagine what that looks like.

And the reason that everybody looks so frustrated is that nobody has listened to their own voice. I mean, you wanted to marry a girl, but the girl was a Mohammedan and you're a Hindu Brahmin. So your parents wouldn't allow it. Society wouldn't accept it. It was dangerous. The girl was poor. You are rich. She married a rich woman, a Hindu Brahmin by caste. Accepted by everybody, but not accepted by your heart. So now you live an ugly life. Now you go to the prostitutes, and even the prostitutes cannot help you in your heart because you have prostituted your whole life. You wasted your whole life.

Always listen to the inner voice and don't listen to anything else. There are a thousand and one temptations around you because many people are peddling those things: religion, politics, and it is a supermarket. The world, it is interested in selling their thing to you. Everybody is a salesman eager to sell you the thing that keeps you in line. But if you listen to too many salesmen, you will lose your mind. Do not listen to anybody. Just close your eyes and listen to that inner voice. That's what meditation is. That's all it's about. To listen to that inner voice. That is the first thing. And then the second thing. Only if you've done the first thing because don't try and do the second thing if you haven't done the first thing, because then, of course, everything becomes possible. Never wear a mask. If you are angry, be angry. It is risky. But don't smile because smiling when you are angry is being untrue. You've been taught that when you are angry, smile, but then your smile becomes false. A mask, just an exercise of the lips and nothing else but the heart, full of anger and poison and the lips smiling. You become a false phenomenon. And then the other thing also happens when you want to smile but you cannot smile because your whole mechanism is topsy turvy, because you wanted to be angry, but you weren't. You wanted to hate, but you didn't. You wanted to love, but you chose not to. So now you want to love and suddenly you find that the mechanism, it doesn't function. It doesn't work.

Really, your heart is full of smile and you want to laugh out loud but you cannot laugh and something, it chokes in the heart, something chokes in the throat. And that smile, it doesn't come. And even if it does come, it's a very pale and dead smile.

It doesn't make you happy.

You don't bubble up with it. It is not a radiance that then moves and comes from that smile.

So when you want to be angry, be angry. Nothing is wrong with being angry. If you want to laugh, laugh. Nothing is wrong in laughing out loud by you and only you. You will see that your whole system is functioning. You are not broken, none of it. When it functions really well, there is a hum around you, and this is what I call the medicine of self. Just like a car hums when everything is going well and often people work with me and they'll come away from it and say, "Oh my God, I started singing, I started writing, I'm living poetry" and this is what happens. Just like a car hums when everything is going well, the driver who loves the car knows that now everything is functioning well. And he knows because of that sound, that hum, there's an organic unity to it. The mechanism is functioning as it is supposed to function. You can see it. Whenever a person's mechanism is functioning well, you can sense the hum around them. He walks with this step, you know, his step got a bounce in it. He talks, but his words carry subtle poetry in them. He looks at you and he really looks at you. It is not just lukewarm. It is really warm. Oh, and when he touches you, he really touches you. You can feel his energy moving into your body, a current of life, being transferred because his mechanism is functioning well.

So don't wear masks. Don't fucking do it. Otherwise, you create dysfunctions blocks in your mechanism. There are many blocks in your body and a person who has been suppressing anger, his jaw becomes blocked. All the anger comes up to the jaw, and then there it stops. His hands become ugly. They don't have the graceful movement of a dancer. No, because the anger comes into his fingers and becomes blocked. Remember, anger has two outlets for release. One is the teeth and another is the fingers. And all animals, when they're angry, will bite you with the teeth, or they will start tearing you at the hands or the nails in the teeth are the two points from where anger is released. Then I have a suspicion that whenever anger is suppressed, people have teeth trouble. Their teeth go wrong because too much energy is there, never released, and anybody who suppresses anger will eat more. Angry people eat more because the teeth need exercise. Angry people will smoke more, angry people will talk more. They become obsessive talkers because somehow their jaw needs exercise so that the energy is released just a little bit. Angry people's hands will become knotted, ugly, and if the energy had been released, they would have had beautiful hands. And let me tell you people, when you suppress anything, when you suppress any emotion within your body, there is a manifested reality and consequence to that.

If you suppress anything, there is some corresponding part of the body to the emotion. If you don't want to cry, your eyes will lose their lustre because tears are needed. They are a very alive phenomenon.

When once in a while you weep and you cry and you really, really go into what you become and then the tears, they start flowing from your eyes and your eyes are cleansed and your eyes become fresh again, and they are young and they are virgin, they can see.

And so in the spirit of 2020, in the spirit of lifting the fucking veils from your own eyes, in the spirit of losing your bullshit, of divorcing yourself from all of the things that keep you fetishizing what you want instead of loving what you have, know yourself. Know yourself. You are a walking medicine cabinet. You are alive with music. You are the whole goddamn orchestra.

A series of instruments begging to be played by fingers and a tongue and feet and a body that is bored with your bullshit.

You are letting your instruments atrophy. Nobody else can be responsible for the lack and the loss of music in your life.

And when the music goes, it is so easy to blame the maestro, just like we do to religion and to politics and all the big people in suits, but you get to choose whether you are music, or you fucking hit that snooze button and you choose to stay asleep and you choose to delay the inevitable and off you go, off you go. Snooze snooze snooze snooze snooze until you don't know what is real and what is sleep anymore.

And the only music you hear is that absurd sound of that fucking alarm that iPhone was psychotic to include in their ringtones. The snooze button is not music.

You are music.

Bringing that hum and bringing that radiance and bringing that vitality back to your life is something that must be self-initiated. It must. So the urgency here, or what I'm inviting you to do, is to come be a part of this. I'm not making any money on this. Come be a part of this. Come in on calls, have this conversation with me. Learn to know yourself. Give yourself a fighting chance at trusting yourself. Give yourself a fighting chance at understanding the landscape of who it is you are so that you become literate in who it is you are. So then you can create lyrics out of your existence. So then everything you do has a lyrical quality to it. So then everything you do and experience moving forward, any ailment is cured by you in the same way that your child hits their knee and they don't want a Band-Aid, they don't need the doctor, they need a kiss from you. And they need your warmth and they need your belief and they need your comfort. The urgency is that you have forgotten what you are made of. Fucking bless our kids for insisting that we don't forget.

Head on over to ReverenceOfSelf.com, shop my fucking offerings and come into Phenomenology of the Pussy Portal. I would love to see you there. I am alive with this message and all I want to do is help you see what I see by being the reflection of remembrance for what the fuck it is you were to begin with until somebody made you forget.