This episode is a recent Instagram Live that we have turned into a podcast episode. It needs to reach as many people as possible because this conversation is important.
I am so ready to have this conversation. It is one of the most controversial things I've ever had a conversation about. I've had this conversation so many times publicly, but never in this space reaching the masses all at once. I think it's easy to get offended when we are carrying so much on our hearts about what we've done as parents and as birthing people. All of the dreams and hopes and plans we have about having babies and the kinds of lives that we will live. All of the illusions of what it means to become a parent in this life.
When I look at all the complexities and the layers of each of these conversations, it's been hard for me to have the conversation I want to have. I know that people are going to be triggered in a big way.
I need you to know as a disclaimer, what I cover in this episode is not a personal attack on you.
This is just a conversation that I felt compelled to finally have. Do not take this personally.
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Angel Gallo: I am so ready to have this conversation. It is one of the most controversial things I've ever had a conversation about in public. I speak about this all the time in my classes. I've had this conversation so many times with publicly and I believe it's because it's really easy to get offended when we are operating from a place of ego, guilt, shame, when we are carrying so much on our hearts about what we've done as parents, what we've done as mothers, as birthing people.
All of the dreams and hopes and plans we have about our lives and having babies and all of these illusions, this fetishizing and this romanticizing of what it means to become a parent in this life. When I look at all of the complexities and the layers of each of these conversations, it's been hard for me to have the conversation I want to have because I know that people are going to be triggered in a really big way. I need you to know right now as a disclaimer, whatever I speak about next is not a personal attack on you, that is my big preface.
If you are even a friend of mine, okay? If you are a colleague of mine, if I know you in real life, if you're on the internet, if I don't know you're in real life, you need to really go back to those noble truths and understand that one of those is it's never about you. Do not take things personally. This is a conversation that needs to be heard and if I have it, perhaps it will help people understand or make better decisions. I do not believe that we should be having children the way we are having children.
I do not believe that people should be having as many children as they have. I believe that our bodies are putting very intelligent mechanisms in place to stop us from becoming pregnant or conceiving because of what the world and the planet and the animals and this ecosystem and this solar system need. I believe that our obsessions with the fertility industry, which is a give or take $36 billion industry a year because of the economic stake, it is a situation that I'm noticing is becoming more and more belligerent and more and more complicated and really quite frankly endangering our ability to be who it is we're supposed to be, how we can take action.
We are, in my opinion, self-sabotaging ourselves in a way that I can't even describe to you by having kids. I feel like we've turned our children into the ultimate scapegoat into the ultimate avoid action, we've made them pawns, we're living vicariously through them. We're stretching our resources when we don't even have the resources to stretch. We are getting lost in this illusion and what we're doing is we are putting the pressure on our children to make us happy.
We are birthing them like a tokenistic, performative puppet who is sent here to make our lives better without any conscious idea of what happens after this, what happens next? When I look at everybody that I've ever worked with in my life who I am friends with, nobody I know that has lots of children is happy, nobody. Nobody, and this is not to say that they can’t be happy, they're content, they are more often unhappy and stressed, depleted, exhausted than they are happy.
They are in scarcity, they are stressed out. They are continuously having to think about all of their children at the same time. I have worked in situations I can't even say out loud because it's too obvious, but the self-harm, the self-deprecating, the depression, the psychosis, the infanticide, the suicide that increases every time you have a child. The more children you have, the more at risk you are of literally losing your mind but nobody tells you that.
You are supposed to have children between three and five years apart. Nobody is telling you this, nobody is speaking to you about the recovery, nobody is speaking to you about what happens to you emotionally, physically, spiritually. Nobody tells our partners, nobody tells the world what is actually going to happen and I believe that it's my responsibility right now to have this conversation out loud because there are way too many illusions when it comes to procreating and in a culture that is now only starting to care about conscious conception, I really want to take this into who cares about conceiving in a good mindset? Let's talk about what is at stake here.
Conscious conception means “what is going to happen to this world, our lives, our children?”. If we continue to pop out babies like it's nobody's business, if we continue to play God, if we continue to decide who lives and who goes, if we continue to decide what is viable and non-viable and it's easy to get caught up in conversations like pro-life or fucking abortion, anti-abortion and so many politically correct conversations, so many polarizing conversations, so many debates that are completely missing the points.
Just like I feel that my moral obligation is so deeply rooted and I can't even tell you the layers, I believe it's our moral obligation to consume ethically and to create ethically, which means birthing ethically. This is also important to understand. Your children will never get the best of you when you have a bunch of children, it's not going to happen. Would you have three dogs, four dogs, five dogs? Dogs don't wear diapers, dogs are one-tenth of a lifetime of children, dogs can literally be left alone, can be put in a cage, can be do all the things.
I'm just going to use the most drastic example right now and yet we wouldn't have more than three or four dogs, why are we having this many children? There is a direct correlation between the state of the world, the amount of children we have and the mental health issues that are rampant with birthing people and parents. There's a direct correlation but nobody's having this conversation.
It is not sustainable to keep having babies the way we're having them, it's not. The more obsessed we are in conversations about unnecessary cesarean versus vaginal birth and doulas versus obese, the more we are missing the point. The conversation is far, far deeper than that. Everyone here must understand that the only reason we started having more children is when a very patriarchal capitalistic era came in and money came in and they basically told everyone, "Listen, the only way to avoid being poor is to have more babies and make more shit on the farm and that's how you'll make more money."
People had more babies to make more on the farm. That resulted in more mouths to feed, more famine, more sickness, more scarcity and this was a loop that has haunted us now for thousands of years. We never had this many children, ever. We just did it. When we had lots of children, we were literally in this place where all of the people were raising all of the other people's children that's how it was and then we look at colonization, we look on racism, we look at slavery where we almost had all these children and then left somebody else to take care of them, to breastfeed them and how racism and misogyny and colonization and the decimation of culture ties into that rabbit-like procreation is absolutely wild.
It's also important to understand that these systems are fucking responding to how many babies we're having. If we are obsessed with having babies, what to expect when you're expecting and the resources keep getting fucking tighter and tighter and tighter and more people have empathy deficit, more people are getting depressed, doctors are on drugs, they're suicidal, mothers are suicidal. At what point do we need to understand that this is exactly what somebody just said, it is stretching beyond our limits. When do we say enough is enough? At what point do we say, this is not okay? It's not safe, okay it's not. We're in a culture that tells you that your value as a human being, your value as a mother and as a parent is along certain goal posts, milestones, shall we say. That is very much you get the degree, you get the job, then you get married, then you get knocked up, you have the babies, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Everybody is suffering. Animals, babies, women and birthing people and elderly people are at the crux of every single one of these issues. We are all suffering.
Absolutely to what Gypsy said, she said "Being a child-free woman helps the planet. I don't have kids because I'm chronically sick and also, I wouldn't want to bring a baby into the world right now." I can't agree with this beautiful woman more. Thank you so much, Gypsy. I couldn't agree anymore. I really believe that when people morally and ethically choose to have no children or less children, they are some of the most responsible people on this planet because they sit within themselves and realistically think, "Do I have the energetic, financial, physical and mental resources to become a parent right now?" When you can sit within yourself and say, no, that is a beautiful fucking thing.
The ways that we literally get a credit card, load up the credit card, put ourselves in debt, get the degree, put ourselves in debt for a degree we don't use, we pathologically consume parenthood. Let that sit with you for a second. We are pathologically consuming parenthood. It's absolutely mind-blowing. This is a really difficult conversation to have. I get it, but when you look at farms, when you look at abattoirs, when you literally look at The Handmaid's Tale, when you look at every political issue we see right now, every system failing us.
Everything that is in plain, you see that our population is the basis of this and that our obsession with using our children to save us from our bullshit and then we curse them with our bullshit that is unresolved.
This keeps going and keeps going and keeps going, at what point do we have to sit within ourselves and be like, "You know what? There is something that is not right with this. There's something that doesn't sit. If I couldn't care for six cats, if I couldn't care for 10 dogs, if I couldn't take on more than three clients a month, how the fuck are we expecting people to have this many kids and not lose their minds with no help, no extra income, no acknowledgment of what is happening on the inside?
Absolutely, the dairy meat industry is a perfect depiction of what the maternity ward has turned into, abso-fucking-lutely, it is. This is not to take away from my children whom I love eternally, it's not. This is not to take away from those I love who have lots of children, please don't, it's not about that. It is not about offending anyone.
At one point, we really need to sit in that reactionary - that reaction, that trigger, and ask ourselves, "Is this the way of the future?" Pushing ourselves beyond our limits is irresponsible. It's as irresponsible as getting a credit card and spending it without knowing how you're going to pay it back. It's as irresponsible as signing up for a degree and be like, "I don't even know if I really want that." Getting a huge debt and then never using that degree. It's literally exactly the same thing.
We end up resenting our children, we end up resenting our children when they cannot be what we want them to be but they didn't ask to be thrust into a situation where their care providers were pushed to beyond the brinks of their limits, where there was no food, where there was poverty. We're all talking about poverty, where is this coming from? We're all talking about everything that is the by-product of our fantasizing and romanticizing and pathological consumption of parenthood. This is a really hard conversation to have.
Jess, you said do you think that absolutely no family can be happy and thrive with many kids under any circumstances? Oh, God, who am I to say that? I'm one in seven billion people, love, absolutely not. What I am trying to say is that if I try to cater to the emotional needs of seven people at the same time, I would be lying to myself to say that I was giving all of myself to all of those people.
How many people are in monogamous relationships and yet have seven children and then talk shit about polyamory or polygamy and say, "How could you have six wives? I couldn't love that many people at once." Do you see the hypocrisy and the irony? I can tell you that when I work through trauma, when I work through massive mental health issues, blocks and burdens that come from history and family, it is almost always the children who are part of a family of too many, always.
This is my second point, that even though you feel like you can handle seven kids, who are you to know how that will affect your children? Who are you to know that you will not be single in a year? Who are you to know what will happen? You don't. For me, at the end of the day, it's why would I put my children in a situation where I am so egotistical to believe that I'm going to be able to cater to all of those children for the rest of their lives and be everything they need?
What if I die? What if their father dies? What if their partner dies? There are so many angles here and I believe that people don't want to have these conversations. They don't because of how controversial it is and how frustrating it is. When we look at the way that we've pillaged and plundered, when we look at all of the ways that we are destroying everything we have, humans are the basis of it all.
Our over-consumption of everything and our blatant disregard of sainted beings and creatures directly comes down to our disassociation from ourselves. We've turned our body into the ultimate conveyor belt and now we're pissed off when one in three of us has been traumatized from birth and one in ten of us has PTSD akin to a soldier who's just come back from where they've been deployed and wondering why. We've turned our body into a conveyor belt, we're living life on a conveyor belt.
You cannot be upset when the system treats you like a number or a fucking factory setting or a machine if you've turned your body into a baby-making machine. Do you know how much money we spend per year on contraception and on fertility? We pay millions of dollars a year to avoid getting pregnant and then we spend triple that in order to get pregnant when our body is completely riddled with hormones. When it's completely riddled with fucking garbage that now we can't get pregnant.
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Angel: It's really, really, really important when we think about taxes, when we think about mortgages, when we think about homes, when we think about our work, when we think about our degrees, when we think about our careers, we're living 71 years on average, okay? 71 years on average.
If you are to believe that you could somehow be everything it is that you need to your children, you're delusional because if we look at it statistics, and I mean that in the kindest way possible, if you look at statistically, the daddy issues, the mommy issues, the parent issues, and how rampant they are when we talk. about healing childhood abuse, healing childhood trauma, feeling unseen, feeling neglected, feeling like you had to grow up really quick to take care of your siblings, feeling like you had to stay hidden, feeling like your family said you could be seen but not heard, every single issue that we have relates back to a prominent even between four and seven years old that made us feel traumatized. Believe me when I tell you that the more children we have, the more endemic this is. So many of us are chasing the dragon.
If you don't know what this means, chasing the dragon means we are traumatized and broken from childhood. We have an irreparable relationship with our parents. Our way of healing this is having children, being a better parent, being a different mother, doing things differently. It's a real egotistical way of healing ourselves. We then have the first birth, which of course doesn't go as planned because we're unequipped, ill-equipped around the wrong people in a fucked-up relationship, have no relationship with ourselves, and then we keep having babies because we're trying to do it differently the next time.
Every single baby you have is an attempt to fix what went wrong the one before. This is a fact. This is a fact. You can go and read all about this afterwards. I definitely, definitely encourage you to go and do this. Trying to recreate the perfect family, recreate the birth of your dreams. If I had a dollar for every person who told me, "I wish I could just have a bunch of babies and go through the birth process again, but after that, I don't want them anymore." Then they get older. It's like puppies. Why do you think that we get puppies on Christmas, and then they're dropped off at the pound within six months when they stop being cute?
We do the exact same thing to our children. We do. Why I'm bringing this up is that you need to understand that our obsession with this is literally fucking putting all of the cash into the fertility industry. Do you know that there are millions of tons of embryo straws around the world just lying in storage spaces? Which is why Amy from Baby Bee Hummingbirds is doing this because we're looking at, for example, plastic. Everyone's talking about straws. We've got to get rid of straws. Fuck you, McDonald's. Look at all these straws.
Meanwhile, there's millions of tons of non-recyclable straws in storage everywhere because of the fertility industry. There are so many contradictory things that we do, it blows my mind. It's like we think that nothing applies to us and we can make our own rules as we go along, and we're so embarrassed at what we're doing that we refuse to go inwards and ask, "Maybe I'm actually wrong about everything. Maybe everything I thought was the truth was not the truth." What if we are doing things the completely wrong way?
Why is that so hard to consider? Why is it so hard to consider that it'll get to a point where actually, it's not that infertility is the issue, it's that our body intelligence is so clever that it is making it harder for us to get pregnant in order to not bombard mother nature and the planet. Have we not considered that? Exactly. Thank you, Miranda. So much more put into infertility and surrogacy when we look at foster and adoption. It's, first of all, no money put into it, deplorable conditions. I mean deplorable to a point where I went to the psychiatry museum in LA.
Oh my God. I'm part of this Human Rights Commission. It's shocking what's been happening in Europe, in Northern Europe. It's shocking, but it's a nightmare to foster. It's a nightmare to adopt. It's like human dog-pounds. It makes me cry because I don't understand how we can't see what's happening right now. We're treating literal babies like dogs or puppies we get at Christmas, and then when we're bored with them, off you go. We're more concerned with this omnipotent force at play and miracle births, and exactly we're saying, signs from God and how it's so lucky. Blessed be the fruit and all of this stuff instead of being like, "Hold up a second. Hold up."
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. We're all talking about it takes a village to raise a child, but are you running up to the foster care system to go help with fostering? What village is helping raise that child? Could you tell me that? What village is helping to raise those children in adoption? That makes me want to weep. Again, this dichotomy, this double standard.
You have two hands. Even on a strictly survival level, you're in a burning building, you have five children. How the fuck do you think you're going to get out of there with five of your kids? These are things that I literally thought about when I was having children. Not about my tummy, not about anything, not about my vaginal integrity. No. It's if something happens tomorrow, do I know within my heart that I have the resources, physical, financial or otherwise, to protect my children. You're literally designed. Your body intelligence is way smarter than you are.
My brain right now is having a conversation with you and our human brains are conversing, but the way our bodies are speaking is something we'll never understand. There's a body intelligence here, which means that we are programmed and designed to do certain things. We look at animals in captivity. Look at zoos. Look at what we do to try and breed them in captivity. We try forcing them, we try mating them, we try science, we try sedating them and yet one panda comes maybe sometimes. One elephant comes maybe sometimes.
Why? Did it occur to you that we have lessons to learn from everything it is that we call subpar to us? Did it occur to you that the ways that we mother and parent and birth is directly related to the ways that animals are mistreated, and that we accept being mistreated because we think, "If I'm drinking cow's milk, then maybe subconsciously, who the fuck am I to breastfeed my child? Who am I to complain about trauma when those animals are having their babies taken away?" How about women of culture and colour who statistically people marginalize and disenfranchise communities get the worst of the worst of the worst?
They don't have access to things, for example, like birth control or information on birth control. They don't have access. They're in situations that they literally either can't get out of, are addicted to, are completely fucking stuck in. Who's helping them? Go and talk to everybody you know who has lots of children and ask them if they're happy. Ask your mother or your parent how they feel about having four or five, six, seven kids and see what they say. Notice how you've only ever seen your parents stressed out. Notice how it's very rare to have seen your parents in a way that feels really authentic or engaged or excited.
Notice how many parents say, "We didn't have the money to do this so we couldn't do this." Notice how many people you know who are actually happy having had all those children. My mother had three kids, and she knew that she should've only had two. When the third came around, my brother's now depressed and we haven't spoken to him in a few years. It was a horrible situation.
My mother, her uterus exploded after they gave her too much Syntocinon and she was rushed for a cesarean. All these things that happened afterwards, and her still now, 30 years later, still healing herself from the trauma of that relationship and that birth. I knew in my bones that I had to cut it at two. I knew that. I knew that in my body. My great-grandmother, my grandmother, my great-great-grandmother all had multiple children. They were all miserable. Our society on top of this does not care for people who have children., they don't.
I posted some very interesting facts today and yesterday. We are sick people. We're sick with disconnect. We're sick with self-harm. We're sick with self-deprecation. We have made a career out of wearing masks. We are birthing our children into that endemic. We are birthing our children into these issues. That is not okay. That's an irresponsible pro-creation. I know that if my friends tell me like, "Hey, Ange. I want to have all these babies and I want to do this." How do you know what's going to happen after that baby?
I know people who have the third kid, and that child just so happens to have chronic illness or a terminal illness, and they're unwell. Then they spend the next three years living their lives in a hospital. What happens to the other children? I want you to ask yourself the next time you are considering pro-creating, having a baby, going out and getting pregnant, will this pregnancy possibly traumatize me? Will this pregnancy possibly re-traumatize me? Will this pregnancy and birth possibly traumatize my children? Will this pregnancy and birth possibly remove me from the relationship I have with my children? Will it possibly impact my ability to be present for my children?
You only have two eyes, and then you got one eye here. If 99% of us are disconnected from our third eye and our pineal gland and our sixth sense, you're trying to tell me that your two eyes that are myopic, that can barely see are going to keep their eyes on the hearts and minds and souls of everyone around you. You're not superhuman, you're human and believing that you can have as many babies as you want without repercussion is not cool. It's not cool because you suffer and your children suffer. That's like believing you have money to spend that you don't have to spend. If you're penny-pinching, and you're being scarcity with your bank account, but you believe that babies are a blessing, that's not okay.
I love what you just said. People tell me that I'm being selfish for not having kids and I think I'm actually being selfless. Fuck yes, you are. That's what I mean is that it's no coincidence that we make you hate yourself and we make you keep having babies because then we're addicted to the thrill. We're addicted to that oxytocin hit. We're so deprived of love that we have babies to feel alive intermittently. Cruelly and ironically, is we end up being mentally unwell and completely fucked up and completely sick when we're left to our own devices. We get that hit of oxytocin, and then we plummet and we suffer.
Do you understand? Hear me, we are so deprived of love and connection and intimacy that we are having babies to fill the gap of our human disconnect. We are pathologically consuming parenthood. We are addicted to having babies. We're addicted to it. We have commodified our children, and then we resent them when they don't perform as expected. That is not ethical. It's not. It's not fair. Then you blame your kids because you're tired, because you don't like your life. You resent. Of course, relationships are dysfunctional everywhere. Of course, people are divorcing within 36 months of having a baby because nobody tells you about this.
How do you have a relationship with your lover and then have all these children and then you're surprised when you don't want to touch them, love them, be near them. The wedge gets deeper and deeper. How many of you have had kids to salvage a relationship? I fucking have and I've been very vocal about that. Thank fuck I love my son. Thank fuck I was in a situation where I knew the inner work I had to do, and the lessons he's here to teach me, and the love he's here to show me and the healing, and the mistrust of men he's here to give me.
How many people do we know who have children to literally salvage our relationships? We are commodifying our children. We're making them our best bet. It's not their job to be our everything.
I write this in the mask we wear. My book Martyrdom Misogyny Motherhood, the obliteration of it. I write about this in the book because, oh my gosh, if you look at a relationship where you choose to be alone because it needs to be two individuals thriving in their individual selves, who come together, and are therefore in a beautiful, balanced relationship where neither needs anything from the other. When you have one individual who is not thriving as the individual, and the other who is, for example, or two non-functioning individuals come together, this is codependency. It's everything toxic in nature.
Now, by default, the most dysfunctional relationships I've ever had in my life are with my children because they need from me more than I need from them. The literal core of motherhood and parenthood is dysfunction. We salvage all of this, we make sense of it because look cool, I fucking love you. You're lucky you're cute or I will send you to Romania. I always tell my kids that. I'm like, guys, you're lucky I love you because right now, I'm just going to go to the circus and you can eat cereal for the rest of your life and you can live here. Okay? Cool.
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Angel: At the very core of what parenthood is, it is dysfunctional because your children need more from you than we need from them, which is the nature of codependency. It means that it's not symbiotic, it's dysfunctional. That's cool, they're our kids. We love them. We know this but if you're a person who's dysfunctional, you have a dysfunctional relationship with yourself. That is that the “me, myself and I” is completely fragmented, what do you think happens when you bring your fragmented self, the splintered version of you into a dysfunctional relationship with your children?
It literally turns into a nuclear bomb and shrapnel falling everywhere. Then you're expected to still have like want to fuck, want to clean the house, want to be a domestic goddess while thinking about maybe going back to your job, while this while that. It just doesn't make sense. All I wanted to come on today was think about that maybe if there are seven billion-plus people on this planet and counting, and we're looking at a few really solid statistics by the way. Whereas for example, I just spoke about that there are 244 women billionaires on this planet, 244 as opposed to 2208 men.
Women make up 87% of single-parent families. They work on average, 10 years more than men. They retire with 52% less than men. They can make careers out of doing work for free. Financial abuse is the number one form of abuse in this country, much like Canada, much like New Zealand, much like anything else. 99% of domestic violence abuse situations are also interlinked with financial abuse. Why is this important?
If you're having babies and you're not working, what are you at the mercy of? You have no money, you have no ability to care for yourself. How many people stay in these situations because they can't afford to take care of their kids? How many people end up in scenarios where they literally, that's what they have to do because they don't have any money? If you look at globally speaking, the wealth index, and what is happening, this is so important. This is the conversation. If we're going to give people a fighting chance, don't talk about gender equality. Don't talk about pay gaps. Let's talk about, maybe we shouldn't have this many children. Maybe I can put myself first right now because maybe this something I need to do because I need to know that I can just leave if anything hits the fan, that I'm not at the mercy of anyone. You're not the billionaire babes club. I'm going to have a microloan that I'm going to fund with my money so that anytime a woman in my community is in need, she can come or they can come rather if they're non binary or anything else, and I can help them out of that situation because money is absolutely going to help solve these solutions.
People have babies because they're bored. People have babies because they're sick and tired of their family asking them when they're going to have a baby. People have babies because of cultural reasons. People have babies because they're lazy and they don't want to get a job and they think parenthood is easier. That's a fucking joke. People have babies because they're like, "Oh, it's so cute. It's going to be so fun. It's a nursery." People have babies because. Of course, people have babies for the right reasons, that is not the conversation. People are having babies for the wrong reasons, that's the conversation. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Somebody said something about our children giving and receiving in our relationship, giving and receiving in the nature of dysfunction. Of course, my children give me so much. Of course, they do. I'm being sarcastic and hyperbolic to explain that your children are not paying the bills. Your children are not emotionally giving you anything. Goo goo ga ga is not a conversation.
If we put a child in a room and don't speak to it for a year, we call those feral children which is a terrible derogatory term, but they literally do not know how to interact with other people. They can think they can read. We know that humans can't survive without touch. Babies cannot survive without touch and yet we're expecting mothers and parents and birthing people to somehow survive the first years of their life with no conversation, no community. That makes sense. Right? No touch, no affection, nothing. This is an epidemic. This is a serious fucking issue. You need to understand that it is in the interests of the politics and politicians in government for you to keep having babies, which is ridiculous because we look at the incarceration rate. We literally look at the incarceration rate, we look at what it's costing us to have this many kids but they see taxes. If you look at statistics, to them, it's more worth to tell you to keep having babies even if 30% end up dead, because 60% or 70% of them will actually be the taxpayers. It's a very effective situation.
On the topic, there are incredible studies in Northern Europe, by the way, incredible studies about this. About parenthood and children and what happens to them and I really really really really think that this is a conversation, unfortunately, that is going to upset a lot of people. These are huge reasons why I knew that I had to stop with a doula training and why I had to stop being a doula because the important conversations that I'm being told I need to have, on a philosophical level, on a moral obligation level is that I can be attached to any industry that's would want to rip me apart.
It's easier for me to just step away from this and just have the conversations I need to have and then people can shoot me down as they will, and that's totally fine. It is what it is. Why would you want everybody to like you? It's not even possible. What are you going to do? Be vanilla ice cream? Even then, some people are fucking not eating ice cream that's made from cow milk. Thank you. Some people are having soy. Why would you want to be the vanilla ice cream?
The conversations that I'm going to be having in this lesson taken off my doula training is going to be heated as fuck. That's why I told people go and do this last one because I am going all guns blazing. All guns blazing. I'm going to have every conversation I want to have. I'm going to talk about everything I want to speak about, and hopefully, it's going to make a difference. Hopefully, people are going to look at this and be like, "Okay, cool."
Y’all, there's so many parallels in our life. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. It starts with birth. It starts with conception. It starts with all of it. Do you think it's a coincidence that we are still getting murdered? Walking down the street from a bar at night, that we're still getting raped, that our bodies are being abused, that these things are happening when the same thing has been normalized in the birth space? It's not a coincidence.
We've normalized the culture in the birth space and in parenthood that makes you believe that you are broken, that you have no bodily autonomy, and that you can be absolutely perpetrated, and you will always be the prey and that you're always waiting for someone to rescue you. Then we just model that and repattern this and repeat it our whole lives in every other space. The lessons that we learn in that place are huge. Let me tell you, birth is broken because it's such a powerful catalyst moment.
What you learn about yourself really, truly in a supported pregnancy or conception situation, birth and motherhood or parenthood is wild. What you learn about yourself there if you really apply yourself and say, "Okay, what's the lesson? What's the gift? What is my child here to teach me? What is the situation here to teach me? How am I going to lean into all these limits?" You will never ever leave the same person. You will be the most powerful, supercharged version of you ever and that's the reason we keep you from it.
Why we numb you, why we make you believe you're in danger. It's all linked. All of it. Every single thing is linked. Once you really start to draw those parallels, it's truly the situation where you're going to be like, "Okay, all right, cool. How do I participate here? What do I participate there?" Of course, I think I've lost maybe 300 followers in 48 hours because I'm just posting everything it is I want to say to make sure that only the people who want to know what I have to say, who are open to what I have to say, stay here.
I'm just flushing out everything that needs to leave and bringing in everything that needs to be brought in and just trading messages from a place of authenticity, not of knowing everything. This is not superiority. This is not ego. This is not me believing I know everything. No. I gave a full disclosure at the beginning of this. This is me and my heart knowing that I have to have this conversation.
We can have conversations about destroying the world and over-consuming and fucking using everything around us and not caring about anything around us if we don't look at the force of what we are doing at the core of it. As who we are as human beings, how do we fuck? How do we love ourselves? How do we hate ourselves? How do we have children? How do we parent them? What are we doing?
Always go to the root of the issue, stop looking for bandaid solutions. Stop looking at surface level conversations. Reel it back, the root of the problem which is the womb which is what happened to you when you were a child. What happened to that wounded inner child? How are they not seen? How are they not heard? How are they not cared for? Go back to that little girl, that little boy, that little person inside of you, they have those answers. They will tell you what it is you need to do, what radical moves you need to make and our kids deserve better than this. They do. They do.
My work is only meaning something right now because it's all people who are trying to heal their childhood trauma, who learned to be unseen in childhood or to care for their mothers or parents because their parents were broken. Who are trying to unlearn depression, who are trying to unlearn these conditioned things that they were fucking brought up in. It's just so perplexing to me because people look at it they get so enraged and so polarized they miss the point.
When we look at obligatory vaccinations, when we look at intersex surgery, when we look at eugenics, all of these is at play right now, everything. It's so important to understand why we're here, what we're doing and what we need to take back. Intersex surgery is forcing genital surgery on newborn infants and children. Forcing surgery on them, you'll have to Google it. Circumcision, all of this kind of stuff, complete breaches on people. We're looking for answers in the wrong places and it all comes down to parents.
Parents are almost always the perpetrators and that's a very hard thing to hear. Why are parents almost always the perpetrators? Because they are part of the problem, they're not a part of the solution. Hey, if you're sick, do you guys want me to blow your mind and tell you some of the fucked up stuff that's happening here over the last year? First of all, this is why I had to grow my business. Don't try and start a debate here. I'm pro-choice you do whatever you got to do. If you do not vaccinate here, you don't get any childcare subsidization. Childcare is roughly $120 a day.
When somebody is trying to again leave a situation of domestic violence or restart their life or care for their kids, and they need help, they don't get any. The money that they would make in one day's wage, they then have to give away to childcare which means that they never get to leave poverty or that situation. Last year, in Victoria and New South Wales, this is not even a fucking joke.
I'm not trying to use gender-exclusive language, by the way, it's the general statistic thing. If you're a single mother, listen to this, you had to go to Storytime to have the librarian sign off on an “integrity of parent” paper. You have to go to Storytime, which is an Australian thing at the library where you go, you read to your kids, you sing to your kids where the library had to sign it so you could prove to MyGov here that you're a good mom.
Not for dudes by the way, just for women. It enrages me. Then they wanted one of your friends so someone close to you to sign an affidavit -- Are you ready? To sign an affidavit on who you’re fucking. You need a friend or somebody who knows your sex life to sign an affidavit and confirm who you're fucking so that they can go and chase up child support from these people, allegedly. It's one bee’s dick away literally from putting a microchip in your vag for somebody to track what you're doing and where you're going. This is not a joke. This is for real.
When I went to go film a documentary last year, or was it this year? Who knows? In Byron with the amazing Carly, the conversations I was having with people, I was just blown away. This is what I mean a lot of people don't even know that this is happening. There are such important conversations to be had because it's so layered and it's so obvious and it's not a good thing. I'm claircognizant, which means that I know things I shouldn't know and it upsets me. On a philosophy level, I have to sit there and be like, "Wait a second, this is fucking obvious to me right now. Why is nobody else seen this?" Basically, they cut off all of your family tax benefit off, which by the way you pay for in taxes, by the way, when you're working, unless you prove that you went to Storytime, the library signs off. Again, this is not something men have to do.
There's something happening here that is really just echoing and so for people to understand when they're having kids when you have a child, you need to understand that you are then obliged to have a relationship with that person for the rest of your life. If they're abusive, if they're this, if they're that, you're going to have to be stuck to them forever. When you have children and one of them gets sick and then there are 12 children that you have to take care of, it's not okay. Whether it's the government or anybody else forcing you to do anything with your kids, that's a whole other story because no, it is not okay.
Everybody should be able to make the decisions that they want to make about their body, their baby their life, no questions here. I don't care who it is you are. If you have a problem with that, leave my page. Nobody should be making any decisions about somebody else's body ever, nor their life nor their relationships, nor anything else. In fact, if you are fucking thinking about someone else's life, and having or projecting opinions on someone else, you probably need a better pastime, and you should most likely look within yourself and recognize the hypocrisy and the issue and the bullshit you have inside of you because trust me, honey, you're not a good person. Okay?
The other thing is, believe me when I say it's not just people who are in the poverty line or just below the poverty line or just above the poverty line who have these issues. There are a lot of very wealthy people in this situation. They might look wealthy on the surface because their partner's wealthy or whatever it might be, but it's even the richest of White women that have this issue right now. It's constant.
I look at, I don't know, I can look at celebrities where the families have a lot of children. There's like four or five, six nannies. There are all these different things, and then you're asking about -- I have a hard time with my kids come home from school. There are 30 kids in a classroom and I need to re-parent. Right. But you can have six, seven, eight, nine kids, but that's okay. We need to take more responsibility here. That's just what it comes down to.
If you need a license to have a childcare agency or run a family daycare because of how precarious that is, then why aren't we having these kinds of conversations when people have a lot of kids? Why? It doesn't make any sense. One of my amazing students, Caitlin, last week, I cried, I'm telling you all day, all day. This woman is a fucking angel. She has been working in foster care for years. The stuff that she has seen, and she was working with a woman who was dependent on drugs and getting off of them. They told her we're taking away your twins. She was pregnant with twins. The moment you give birth, no questions asked. We're taking them away.
Why? Because she had taken drugs, so she's a fucking asshole? Apparently. I'm being sarcastic right now. Caitlin stepped in and she brought her twin babies home with her and raised them for almost a year. She raised those babies as her own, so that that mother could have a chance at becoming clean and really reintegrating with her children, so she can have a relationship with them.
This is a system that is so broken we have no idea the extent of it. Thank you for tuning in to this. Thank you for making this controversial conversation a more pleasant experience for me. I so so appreciate it. I'm going to encourage you to sit in whatever reactions you might have at this moment and know that I really have this conversation right now from just a place of really wanting us to consider how we're moving forward and what kind of person we're trying to be and what kind of parents we want to be. What kind of future it is, we're creating, what we want, and that our body intelligence and the intelligence of this planet will always supersede our brain. Always.
It will always supersede what we think we know in our heads or what we like to believe we are in charge of or whatever it might be. We do not know more than our body intelligence or the intelligence of this planet, we don't. Before you get on the bandwagon and think about all the things that are happening in this world, know that whatever is at play is for a reason.
If your body is not getting pregnant, please trust me when I say that there is a reason. The first IVF I'm going to leave because Instagram just gave me a one minute notice. The first IVF was done in Melbourne in 1975. We have no long term studies on IVF because those babies are still living, and we will only have the information we need after the fact. Why is that dangerous? It means that we're selling you technology that we don't even know is safe. That is fucking huge.
Go look at surrogates. If you're considering being a surrogate, don't do it. Do not do it. Because it's altruistic to believe that you can literally be treated like a conveyor belt for only altruistic reasons, is not okay. It reinforces that mothers get paid for nothing and birthing people and parents are worth nothing. Think about this kind of stuff because it is fucking important. Please know that I'm coming to this with love and that it's really hard for me to have this conversation as well. It's just in my interest for things to move forward. Okay. Have the best day everybody.
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