Reimagining Self Defence, Reclaiming Self Ownership and Protection of Our Body

Posted by Angela Gallo on

This is an episode that is going to get the blood pumping to your biceps as well as all of the muscles of your feminist, activist hearts, because today on the show we have Bec Cameron. This woman is an absolute bad bi#ch who has been transformed over a decade of fuck-ups, breakdowns, highlights, low-lights and a number of short haircuts. She has turned trauma into triumph and proclaimed a new world order for those experiencing sexual assault, domestic violence, misogyny and speaks confidently to those suffering the repercussions of a society sick with the patriarchal overflow of the 20th century.

Conducting 1:1 Coaching Sessions, The Bad Bitch Workout, speaking, writing and generally blowing shit up, Bec is a force destined to play big and create a lasting impact for womxn everywhere.

— SOME TOPICS WE COVER: —

  • Dealing and healing from past traumas and sexual assault
  • How difficult it is to speak out, when all you want to do is hide
  • The hard as fu&k resilience that we don’t realise is in us
  • The messed up structures and systems that exist for dealing with survivors of sexual assault
  • Why the #metoo movement is difficult for survivors
  • All the ways in which your body and mind will revolt when you do not speak your truth
  • Challenging the status quo as a social worker
  • Learning to move your body in a way that is empowering, gives you strength and supports you to be confident in what you can achieve and who you let into your life.

— WHERE TO FIND BEC: —

Website: https://www.beccameron.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_bec_cameron_coach/

 

— FULL TRANSCRIPT —

Angel: Hello everybody. It is me your gal pal and, again, Angel Phoenix Arsenal and you are tuning in to yet another sexy ass episode of Slaying The Status Quo In Total Style. Now, this is an episode that is going to get your blood pumping to your biceps as well as all of the muscles of your feminist activist hearts because today on the show, we have Bec Cameron the bad bitch bunny. The trainee. The person that I actually have been physically training with over the last while.

A student of mine who has come to visibility for visionaries and very much as I always say, "The student is the teacher and the teacher is the student." Bec and I have developed a relationship where we have helped each other by recognizing what the other should do, needs to do, is capable of doing. It is one that is symbiotic, completely mutually beneficial.

I wanted to invite her on the show today because her history with trauma and assault and abuse and the survival of that, her absolutely articulated views on self-defense, her eloquent ways of delivering what strength actually means, how society and culture, fuck, blame and blame and blame and don't believe and don't believe and then insist that women and people who are very vulnerable do self-defense and it is our fault when we are attacked because we should know how to protect ourselves which is, again, another part of blame in our culture.

She is a martial arts guru. This woman is a fucking tour de force. I mean, she is an absolute weapon. She found herself on monkey bars as a child in every playground that you're most likely been in. Since there has quite literally developed our career in hanging off things and swinging off things and being the evil carnival and being the bruiser and developing a strength within her that has been preparing her for everything that she experiences right now. Without further ado, let us welcome Bec Cameron.

[applause]

Bec Cameron: I don't even know what to say for an introduction like that, that was incredible. I'm going to have to listen and listen to that. [crosstalk]

Thank you.

Angel: One of my most favorite things to do is, actually, do the introduction with everybody live because you can just tell that so many people are so awkward with receiving compliments and being in the space of being celebrated. That I'm like, "No, no, no, I'll not be recording this shit. I want to feel the energetic cluster fuck that is vibrating off of your body when I force you to accept the introduction that explains your awesomeness." How the fuck are you Bec? How is it hanging?

Bec: I am wonderful. I'm feeling very luxurious at the moment. I want to describe myself at the moment as having someone on vacation for my life over in Canada. It's been a really transformative time. I really could have seen myself the last couple of weeks slipping into a little bit of a small world hideaway, maybe I could stay forever type thing and then I just watch the amazing show here. As soon as I say something that makes me angry, I have just snapped back into the template we tried. I am talking every bit to come home.

Angel: I absolutely love that you are a type of person who needs to be invited or inspired before they can kick their ass into gear. Many people are comfortable in their complacency and in this ignorance and bliss place because it hurts. It really hurts to pay attention to the grief and the anger and the frustrations in the ways that we are constantly being murdered or attacked or raped.

I really just want to applaud you for being able to vulnerably say like, "Yes, I've been on a break from everything. I've been on a hiatus. I've been in this space where I'm just being quiet." Then I saw how much has been going on at home but being able to really think like, "Okay, seeing it." It's almost as calling like, "Do not fuck around. Come back. There is work to do." Bec, why don't you actually tell people a little bit about your story before I actually explain to them how you are slaying the status quo like a boss.

Bec: We're going to do the cliff notes version because it really starts about seven or eight years ago listening to my partner as we kind of went through this really awful period of his sister passing away. She committed suicide. That really was the starting point of this real downturn for us.

We gripped to each other as a couple. We held each other. We tried to hold each other up but both of us really started to sink.

Watching him suffer, it was like, "I had the space to suffer and things bounced, bounced, bounced, bounced. We are lovers from past lives. We have been together for millions and millions of years because we cannot, not be together." Things really started to spout out of control and his mental health was a struggle and my mental health was a struggle. We were both struggling to work.

Then I found martial arts again. I just went on this upwards trajectory. It was my saving grace. It was the thing that was pulling me out of the darkness. Meanwhile, I was being pulled out of the darkness and he was falling. Everything started to fall apart. Amidst that turmoil, amidst this kind of real polar opposites of experience like I was finding myself and I was celebrating myself and he was falling, I experienced a sexual assault.

That was like if you imagine the ways in which a meteor is sent off track or meteor is sent off in a completely different direction, it's like this one thing, this one event, this one occurrence and then left, just spirals. The person who assaulted me, the man who assaulted me was someone who was in the position of power to me at the time. He managed that situation by telling everyone that we had an affair.

That kicked off two years of me not telling anyone because of the culture we have, women are not believed. Women aren't encouraged to come forward with their stories. Women are told that there is some part of this that is your fault, that you asked for it, that you were out with that person, that in some way, you have caused this.

Then he's going on saying you're having an affair. So really, "You must just be trying to cover up the affair. You're just bitter that he told everyone you have an affair. You must be making this up." My partner actually left me at the time because I was too afraid to tell him. I spent six months with family, with friends, with colleagues, with every single person in my life thinking that I was the bad guy. It's something I can appreciate and I can make lighthearted jokes about now.

Someone played a song today, one of my friends played a song and I said to him, "Oh yeah, this song-" I used to drive my car around and I crashed into a tree listening to this song. He was like, "Oh, okay." But it took me a good six to eight months to come forward with what happened to my partner, let alone the rest of the world.

Those six to eight months was just like, I don't know exactly just yet. I'm not there yet in terms of understanding how I got through feeling that much pain. I wouldn't let myself drink alcohol because I didn't know what I would do. I was self-harming. I didn't eat. I stayed up till four o'clock in the morning drinking a bottle of red wine and eating a bag of clinkers. It's all the stereotypical Bridget Jones kind of BS, but at the same time, like the ways in which that abuse and assault just eviscerates your insides. It tears your soul to pieces and I feel like I've been broken enough times through the lifetime but that one night, I could never conceive feeling that level of pain ever again.

[music]

Angel: Fuck, I speak about this a lot that the resilience of our breed blows my mind. The ability to survive blows my mind. But you know what blows my mind even fucking more than that? This story that we all create about black and whites and pain and not feeling and trauma versus empowerment and life not being a contrast experience and life needing to be perfect all the time. If it isn't perfect all the time, then it's fucked up. The ways that we actually create the word survival based on a preconceived notion about what life is supposed to look and feel like, and therein lies my point.

It's that, are we survivors or are we creating a reality that is completely unrealistic that is, therefore, exacerbating something that just feels mind-blowingly painful and only perpetuates the ways that we don't want to feel. The ways that we avoid feeling and the ways that we look to survive instead of actually seek out those uncomfortable and painful moments because therein lies the catalysts. I know that this sounds confronting to some people like I'm very, very, very well aware. I am also extremely well aware that I'm not asking you to go out and look for trauma. I'm not asking to go out and look for abuse.

I'm not asking you to go out and intentionally find ways to hurt yourself or be hurt. What I am going to ask everyone to think about is what if you're actually meant to break down and die and be reborn over and over again because that is where the karmic account balance grows. What if the exact thing that you are avoiding is the exact place you need to go to because the light is found in the darkness, right? If everything was created from this idea of a big bang or black holes, there is no doubt in my mind that we are complete reflections of the universe. We're made out of the same things as the universe.

If the ocean floor is total darkness and so is this like solar system, galaxy universe why do we believe that we do not need to go to the darkest parts of myself to find those things and to find those parts of this and the star is literally created-- The supernovas are created in blast in the melting, in the explosion. The every bit of mythology about Phoenix is everything that means anything about where our strength is harnessed and where the lessons and the gifts are and, therefore, where we self-actualize, everything is in when shit hits the fan.

I guess I'm bringing this up as a precursor to what I'm about to say because I feel that, fundamentally, this episode is going to be about how you challenged the status quo's perception on what survival is and what rising above can be defined as and what they should show looks like and how we reframe pain and how we lean into something that is uncomfortable and how we take a sledgehammer to the system by believing ourselves first before anybody else will ever believe us. There's a lot to be said here.

Bec: There's so much to be said and I think I can only say this, having been on the other side of this, such a big part of me is the whole language that we have around all of this stuff is entirely built generally by people who haven't experienced it. You can't live in a system and you can't have a framework for healing and you can't support people through what they need to be supported through when your system is built by someone who has not experienced it. When all this happened was very much around the Me Too Movement.

I remember hating that movement. I remember hating it with a passion because all of the people who were me before my assault, all of those people, they fucking drove me insane. The things they would say, the way they were like, "We need to speak up and we need to be out there." I would sit at home wrapped in my blankets, hiding from the world. They were like, "You don't fucking get it. You don't fucking understand. You keep saying survivors need to speak out. You don't fucking get it. You don't fucking understand."

I remember reflecting on that being like that was me. Had this not happened to me, I would have been the person sharing every fucking Me Too post. Now I'd be the person going to the rallies and instead I was like hiding myself from that movement because it made me feel so uncomfortable. No way I would've gone to a rally because the second someone asked me a question that I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay quiet and speaking up, terrified me to my bones, like to my bones.

Once this happened, I was like, "There is no fucking way I am ever going to say anything publicly, ever, ever." I was so scared. I was scared for my safety. I was scared for my emotional wellbeing and I got to a point where I was scared for my sanity. I got to the point where I was like, "Is this actually what it feels like when you start to go insane? Is this what it actually feels like when you have so much pressure building inside of you? You are going to snap."

Angel: Okay, let me stop you there because everybody listening, Bec comes from a social work and self-defense background. What Bec is saying is even more important because of this. Bec literally comes from a framework, a body of work training, a discipline that tells her that she is supported, that she will be okay, that there are resources that she can protect herself, that she is community embodied, that she has community and if something like this can happen to Bec, what the fuck is happening to everybody else who does not have this experience?

Secondly, why did that actually work against you, Bec, is what I want to get into because I know you mentioned that as a social worker, like every social worker I know, we know this system is fucked up. We're telling people who haven't even lived the experience to go into the lives of other people and help them mitigate a scenario that they have no idea. They have no idea what they're even talking about.

This is something I'd really like for you to touch on because when we originally spoke, I really was like you need to say something, you need to say something. Then we got into the conversation about, obviously, social work and when you received support, no one's really actually listening. They're just like following the protocol, the parameter, the insurance takes like maternal health, like anything else and self-defense and martial arts and all these other disciplines is the exact same thing.

It's like this crop where this facade of what we want you to believe is available to you but when everything crumbles, it is not particularly when your teachers, the people who mentor you who are supposed to care for you are your perpetrators. When the system is your perpetrator when everyone that you trust becomes your perpetrator and you are working in two systems that you are told to trust such system and said, teacher, why does this become even more precarious? I really want you to touch based on that.

Then secondly, the voice. When you do not speak your truth, when you do not let out those feelings or move those frustrations or believe yourself or really make every active effort to purge that within you that you are holding within, you at your feet. There is no exception to this rule. The voice is directly linked to your vitality. This is something I'm going to speak a lot abou at the retreat next year where Bec is going to be teaching. And this is something that I told back at the very beginning and this is, you will notice that when someone feels like they are, 'going crazy,' 'losing their mind,' suicidal, depressive, anxious, they all have one thing in common and make God strike me down if I'm lying, and that is that they are not speaking their truth.

This is when something starts to happen where remarkably these physical manifestations that you would not even believe, and the light starts being pulled away from the eyes. For someone like Bec, who was the blazing embodiment of everything that is discipline and rigorousness and robustness, and this fucking woman is built like a tank, man, she can do anything, it's really, really necessary for us to draw the distinction because if it can happen to her, it can happen to everybody. Nobody is immune to being attacked or murdered or raped. It happens to everybody, and nobody is immune to being traumatized and carrying grief and having that sorrow.

It doesn't matter what your title is or what your discipline is, or what system you are working in, you are human first and foremostly, and knowing how to bring your etheric double back to your body, understanding the energy that flows within those things, understanding your own vitality is imperative. Bec, go back to the social work, the self-discipline, the martial arts, and why you needed extra fucked up for you to unpack everything while going through the scenario?

Bec: It was such a complete mess of mind fuck, to have been that person, to have experienced sexual assault. It's as if either 20 years of training, it felt like it was for nothing. Those 20 years of training in the context that we're always, always being taught it is, if something would happen to you, you would blah. If something were to happen to you, you would insert moves here, you would insert this here. You would do this here, and you would get away, and it was never, never, never, never, never, never taught to me this idea that like, maybe it won't work.

You know what? Maybe it won't work and fair enough testament to my martial arts training, I was drugged on ketamine, and I was lying there. I was completely cognizant and I was completely aware of what was going on, but I couldn't really move, and I remember thinking, "This is going to happen." Actually later, and I actually was going through statistics in my head, through myself of like, "How many women is it? Is it one in five? Is it one in 20?" Obviously, it wasn't that calm, but that was the process.

I couldn't move anything. I couldn't move my eyes. I couldn't remember how I was to say no, I couldn't move my arms, but I remember getting my left leg. This is something that for such a long time when my mind got crazy, and I would think, "Dude, did it happen?" Like, no. I remember, I got my left leg on his right hip and I kicked and I pushed back. I used that push to turn myself on to my side, because I thought to myself, "If I can be on my side, my legs are together, and then he can't fuck me."

That's the last thing I remembered. So, I have this whole mind fuck it, that goes around in my head sometimes even now as like, "Is it better that I don't know what happened next because then I don't have to remember it, or is it more fucked up sometimes that I don't know what happened next?" The not knowing could nearly kill me at points. People talk about, "Why don't you go and talk to someone?" Like, are you fucking kidding me? It took me two years.

I was a social worker. I worked in this field in which women were coming to me with disclosures of sexual assault. I know what to do, where to go, who to talk to, what to say. I know exactly every part of that process and it still took me a good 20 months to do a single fucking fitting. Even when I did the processes in place, the services that I engaged with was so fucking apathetic and it was nothing against them. They are very well-intentioned but they are not set up to support women to take back their power. They are there to support women to feel safe, but I don't believe you can feel safe if you aren't taking back your power.

[music]

Angel: There's absolutely no way in hell that any system will support anybody if the entire premise of the system is to dis-empower the person in question. The empowerment literally comes from empowered, to empower oneself, which directly is, "Okay, you know what actual self-defense is? How about we fucking teach people about self-love and self-ownership and self-awareness and help them reclaim their personal power, which is everything my body of work is based on right now?" You cannot create a system that protects the person who doesn't even take up space in their own body. It doesn't make sense.

You cannot create a system with a bunch of people who believe you're doing good, who literally take vows, vows to not do harm, to do more good than harm. They're just believing their own bullshit but can even called you out on my cell phone. How could you with no experience, go into a place with a woman who has been abused, has four children and needs help and needs an escape, and really believe that you can help her? Right? It's not possible.

Bec: I struggled so much in the last couple of years, just I would literally think back to cases and be like, "How was I put in that position? I was 23 and I was working with women in domestic violence situations." I just remember, sitting in my car, after having conversations with woman after woman. I'm sitting there in my 23-year-old, blind ignorance thinking, "Why doesn't she just leave? Why doesn't she just leave?" I didn't even call it what it was till eight months later. I refused to accept that what had happened was an assault.

I made excuses for my perpetrator. I made exceptions. I still saw him. There was so many ways in which that situation was so incredibly fucked up, and nothing I could have ever experienced would have prepared me for that other than having that experience. So to think that I was 23 and working with women who've been with the same man for 20 years, and he was abusing them, and they had four children to support and I was sitting there in my blind ignorance being like, "Why doesn't she just leave?" It's so firmly like very harmful.

Angel: You know as well as I do though that you literally had that experience of social work so that you would know what system needs to change. It is no coincidence that your work in social work and your work in martial arts followed by an assault, an abuse of trust happened, because, my love, that's the perfect trifecta of your purpose, your purpose being that pain, your purpose being in the veils that are lifted and the bullshit that is just called out for because you're like, "Fuck, oh my God, this is exactly what needed to happen in order for me to go to where it is I want to be," which is everything you're doing with baggage-training and moving the narrative and moving the conversation away from really traditional fitness and health and self-defense.

Personally, watching you evolve in that, and watching you really take up space and I mean, use different language, take a different angle, step into this place where you have a lot to say, has been amazing. That wouldn't have been possible unless you embraced every aspect of yourself. I also want to say something that when it comes down to social work, I'm dealing with a situation right now where a friend of mine and a client of mine is literally in a joke of a situation, leaving a domestic violence situation with two children, including a freaking newborn, who has been literally looking for housing and help for six months of over and yo-yo and up and down again.

Last week, they promised her housing, and two days before she moved, they revoked the housing. Then we're looking at situations where my ex-father-in-law was a police chief for like 40 years. He would tell me stories where up until probably like 2010 when a domestic violence call was brought in, they wouldn't go because it was a part of the culture. When we look at everything that is supposed to be helping us and we understand that, ultimately, it is indoctrinated with more misogyny and more sexism and more patriarchy than one can ever believe, how the fuck do we make a mockery of what a woman, by the way, our response to being terrified and being hurt is tend and befriend, which is the definition of social?

Men or the opposite of this energy is actually fight or flight. This is an important distinction because they make a mockery out of our tend and befriend by marketing social work as a social endeavor because, 'Oh, well, come to us, you can tend and befriend,' when ultimately, there's not one aspect of social work that is social, and it is the most isolating incident because you feel like, "Am I a fucking alien? Maybe my situation is not that bad because no one cares. Maybe I should stop complaining if nobody's helping me, maybe I am the problem," et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Challenging the status quo of social work, challenging the ways that we inherently, inherently keep women and people who are birthing and having children and in these situations away from the support they need in order to keep them weak and crumble is imperative because lifting the veil on that truth means that, okay, if the system is not going to support you, what do you need to do to support yourself? Q, Bad Bitch Training. Why don't you tell everybody about bad bitch training?

Bec: Bad Bitch Training involved the way so many amazing things in my last year involved, which is completely by accident, which I just love because it just goes to show that I just have this attitude now. It's like, just try it because, you don't know, this might be the thing that goes up or just try it, this might be amazing or just go there or just do this. Same thing when I came to Canada, I was like, "I'm not going to regret being in Canada." But the Bad Bitch work was initially a photoshoot and I got a bunch of women together and I said, "Hey, I want some brand new pictures. I got a couple of my clients."

People I knew are really fucking cool badass women that I trained and I said, "Come down to St. Kilda Beach. It's going to be dark and it's going to be six o'clock in the morning and this is going to happen, this is going to happen, this is going to happen, this is going to happen." Then the night before I went down to the location to suss it out and I sat on the beach and I suddenly had this thought to myself, "Holy shit, I have just asked 10 of my most beautiful women, beautiful female clients to come to St. Kilda Beach at six o'clock in the morning. This is not safe."

It was like the second that thought came into my head, I was like, "This is fucked, this is next level fucked." Women shouldn't need permission to move about certain spaces in the world. Certainly, not in a first world country like Australia. Women should not need to be castled about which spaces they inhabit. Women should not have to be overly conscious of the ways in which they move about. You should just be able to go where you want, when you want, do what you want, wear what you want and be who you want. It was this lightning bolt moment of, "I can't live like this. I can't live like this a second longer."

So much of what I went through, things were reflected back to me like, "Oh, you're being emotional, you're overreacting." In that moment down the beach, I just thought everything that had happened in the last two years and just thought, "I can't fucking live like this anymore. I can't stand it." This isn't enough and I can't live with myself if I don't spend the rest of my life making sure if I have daughters and I have nieces who I just absolutely like adore and the idea of them growing up in a world where at some point they can hit a point where they're going to stop being told, "You need to change in order to suit the environment around you." That is completely unacceptable.

So the Bad Bitch was born in that moment and watching the women come down and it was amazing and the beautiful lacy may be fantastic whole videos from it. I did the workout again and the same thing happened. These women came down. We do martial arts because martial art is in the gym. That's so much fun and I think it's such a fantastic vehicle through which to encourage this learning about yourself, about embodiment, about feeling strong, feeling powerful, but the first official workout I followed up with just my first real public disclosure of like, "Hey, this happened. I wanted to know and I'm not going to stop talking about this."

I just wanted to put it out there. I'm in a safe space and I'm going to commit myself to creating safe spaces. The amount of women that came up to me at the end of that was just like hashtag me too is so overused, but it is essentially every time I run a workout, the amount of women that come up to me and they're like, "Thank God, someone else is talking about this because I just didn't feel like I had the space. I didn't have the courage, didn't have the language to talk about this and what I'm doing is creating a space."

Exactly for that because we all feel so alone. Every part of this experience has made me feel alone and shamed and broken and it hurts me too much as like an empathetic person or a highly sensitive person. It hurts me too much to know that other women feel the pain that I felt. I can't stand other women feeling that level of pain. It's almost bringing me that she is just even thinking about it.

[music]

Angel: I actually went into a breathwork session recently and I thought about you because I went in thinking about, okay, why am I here? It was totally serendipitous. I didn't even know why I was there. Then essentially what happened is right before I went into the breathwork, I got this message that was like, "You are afraid that you do not have enough strengths or enough space in your body to receive the grief of the world and move it through and birth in background as life."

I'd never even thought about that being the seed of mind security. It's that when women like us are making huge waves and doing this massive pioneering work, it always comes on the back with a lot of pain. We're doing this because people are fucking hurting. Erica and I, we literally cry about our work every single day. Erica, the queen of confidence, by the way, everybody. It's like we cry because this work keeps us up at night. It's because we empathetically and as highly sensitive people know what's at stake.

When you look at all of these women that you're working with and these people and things like even when Ruby first started watching me train with you and the question she started to ask me and my son about bodily autonomy, and what the time is and what the art of movement is and what taking up space in your body and finding that discipline before you try and discipline anything else in your life, or find a discipline of any kind in your life is everything.

I've told you this before, right? This is why you're going to do a workshop at the Radical Resurgence retreat in Bali 2020, by the way everyone. This isn’t about fucking a fatphobic culture and losing weight and finding a workout that feels good to you. This is not about learning how to hold your keys between your knuckles so you can feel safe to walk home at night.

This is not about coming more agile or nimble, so sex is better. This is a whole body, mind, soul, third-eye practice that literally enables you to incorporate all elements of like Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai and like Ninja and the monkey bars and sexy biatch and all of those things and bring it back into you and learn how to feel your feelings and release your feelings and feel strong and anchored in self-confidence and self-awareness and self-love because that does make the difference.

Because, again, we cannot teach generations of people to keep themselves safe or we cannot tell generations of people to stop harming women and vulnerable people if we do not break that conversation at the roots or create that psychotic change at the root and that root being people valuing themselves. People feeling that they are worthy. People feeling like they're worth protecting and being seen and taken care of.

Until that happens, it's just this loop that keeps going and keeps going and keeps going. Look at heartache. We're still obsessed with being broken-hearted and we linger on these really trivial pains that are constructed by very much like the modern times. Of course, we're not going to pay attention to women getting murdered every second because we're consumed with heartbreak and we're eating ice cream in front of the TV and talking about our exes instead of getting focused on the fact that people can't even fucking walk home safely at night without a fear of getting killed.

My daughter is going to school and learning lessons about boys and crushes and heartache when no one's actually having the conversations with her about what happens when someone tries to sexually assault you. How do you say no? How do you assert no? How do you take up so much space energetically that no one even goes near you with a five fucking rod? Shout out to crime junkie, obsessed with this podcast. It's a podcast about crimes, unsolved crimes, solved crimes. It's run by two chicks in Indiana and you know what? This might be controversial, but Ruby listens too with me and she listens to almost every single episode and I do not force her.

She sits and she listens intently and some of those crimes on children and twice she's asking me to shut it off because she's scared and her exact words were, "This is too sad, mommy. I'm not in a position to be this sad right now." I could see her brain tinkering on why this happened, why it doesn't happen. What was the lead-up? In these situations, and by watching me train was back and by being a part of a work where I danced the lines of birth, sex and death, and where I'm all about empowerment, I'm giving my six-year-old daughter the greatest fucking gift of all time. That is a reality check.

Until we actually speak to our kids, like they are beings who cannot only handle a confronting conversation but engage in it, who can grasp concepts about self-love and self-ownership and self-confidence, how the fuck are we trying to do damage control? How? It's not possible. This is the kind of stuff that means something to me, and this is, again, slaying the status quo. It's the conversations we have with our kids, it's the conversations we have with each other.

Of course, women are not talking about the results because they're terrified because we tell them that they can't talk about their pregnancy and their pregnancy is not real until 12 weeks. We literally live in a culture that if we do not believe you, we don't believe you. We don't believe in anything but we believe in Jesus Christ, we believe in the Bible.

Bec: We don't believe in women's pain.

Angel: We don't because we don't believe in anything that is born from a woman because we literally psychiatrically created medicine, pathologized it and removed women from their instinct and intuition. I'm saying women are those who identify, it's so many marginalized and disenfranchised communities. It's so many minorities who are part of this process, but it's like all of these man-made systems that told women, "You're fucking crazy. Nothing you say is, therefore, viable because you're crazy." Institutionalized for reading a book, for smoking a cigarette. We're talking about this kind of stuff having to be undone right now, and awakening of consciousness and it starts with believing women and believing their pain.

[music]

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Bec: I think there's something about experiencing that level of pain, where it's just like, "Come the fuck at me." I got through that, there is nothing in this world that can kill me now, I am unbreakable, 100%. The thing I struggle with is this idea of a linear healing, linear anything but we seem to be really obsessed with there being a start and end. The same thing with this process of female meditation or bringing the feminine to the forefront. We have this idea that there has to be a beginning and an end and it is a fluid dynamic process. It is in itself alive.

The same thing with my healing, this thought would come to me as like, I'm not there yet. Why am I not there yet?" Then understanding that you don't get there. There is no there. You do the best that you can in understanding what you're going through and what you're thinking and how you're feeling. I think the same thing needs to happen with this process for women and this process, especially in Australia. We keep being like, "When are we going to get there? When are we going to get there?" It's like, "No, no, you need to engage with the process. The process is the end goal." The journey is the that that we're looking for, you need to engage with the journey.

Angel: We are obsessed with the starting and end. We are obsessed with processes, parameters, protocols, task-oriented, to-do-list-y A to Z. We are obsessed because we want to believe we're in control and the only thing that gives us the illusion of control is that process. The actual reality of it is that we're multi-dimensional beings who are literally living in this multi-dimensional time situation, that we are cyclical that at any moment of every day we are moving in a way that we cannot calculate because we cannot.

Therefore, everything is living and organic and fluid like water. It would be like trying to control the way the river moves, it would be like trying to control the way the ocean moves or trying to make sense or trying to quantify the wind every cell in your body is propagating or moving or fucking your brain. It's not possible. We like to make up the sciences that make sense because they are educated guesses and, yes, by all accounts, it's fine. When it comes to healing and living and being, there is no start and end, the actual outcome is the process.

Because we're a society that is so divorced from feeling, and so obsessed with immortality, and so invested in the chasing of, "I do not want to feel this. Where's the analgesic? Where is the epidural? Where is the thing that will make me go to sleep? Where's the chloroform, the twilight sleep." We have literally created refined, elitist, racist medicines. By the way, a lot of this was feminist-supported because we believe that pain is a curse and we believe that pain is something that women get when they don't fall in line.

We believe that, "Well, look at Eve, look at Lot, both suffering the consequences for not doing what they're told, or for rebelling, or for eating the fruit or for doing whatever it is they did that they weren't supposed to do," and therefore, pain being the actual curse, and the onslaught and the repercussion of that. We are literally all living in this absurd cluster fuck energy that says, "You are hurting because you deserved it and you are hurting because this is the curse of your blood and everything it is that you are."

Also the only way for you to remove yourself from this toxic mindset or conditioning or entrenched behavior is to divorce yourself from feeling because divorcing yourself from pain and feeling is the clever cookie thing to do. What we're doing now is raising these generations of people who are completely disassociated, who are so removed from pain that it is impossible for them to be present and, therefore, impossible to find their purpose. This is why everybody who comes to see me and is like, "Angela, what's my purpose?" Or "Angela, how do I stop feeling?" Or, "Angela, how do I avoid my pain?"

I'm like, "Listen to me, bud, the first thing you've got to do is understand that pain and purpose and passion and fury, all of these things are linked, and the ways you break up with epigenetics, and break up with the stories and break up with the dogma that is keeping you entrenched in this and actually saying yes to pain and actually saying yes to, "Bring it on motherfucker because I'm going to eat that darkness and shit it out in the type of light that comes down like lightning, like a lightning."

Understand when I say that dams, dams, water that is contained and gets so angry that it creates electricity, something will end up breaking, something will end up cracking through that you will not want to see, and the joke is on you because you made a dam out of the most powerful parts of you that are not meant to be suppressed or contained and you are letting the systems monetize off of your fury and your grief that is emanating from your body like electric currents.

There's only one solution here and that is become the body of water. Be majestic, be terrifying. Be beautiful, be all-consuming and move with the moon and take ownership in the fact that, yes, you can kill as easily as you can bring life. You can baptize as easily as you can drown. You need to be willing to go into the total abyss and darkness of the ocean floor before you can exalt yourself to the sky.

Bec: We touched on earlier, we spoke about the ways in which my life had literally I watched all the pieces fall and land into my pathway towards exactly what's happening right now and exactly where I am. I'm actually struggling with my pain now, my journey now, my thinking. What I'm working through right now is being where I am without being grateful to that person that created this because I know I created this. I know this could have gone 10 different ways, this could have ended with me driving my sweet little PT Cruiser into a tree on a Thursday night.

That was very much in itself a possibility, that was a trajectory that could have happened, and that nearly happened every corner that I turned on certain nights. Every corner that I turned, I imagined that. Trying to navigate now this idea of like, "Where is my healing now? Where am I at now? The irony vain that I used to teach when I taught karate, I always used to teach my students. Sometimes, they struggled with the fact that I would win tournaments and they didn't because I would have taken out like National Championships, so I would have taken out World Champion Kata.

Then they would come to me and they didn't come first, they didn't come second, they didn't place, they got knocked out in the first round. They would have this attitude of shame like my teacher did this. She was teaching me, and teaching me, and teaching me, and I didn't win. I just used to take them and tell them, "You’ve learned more than me that day because I didn't train very hard." I learned that I don't have to work very hard. I learned that I don't have to train very hard.

I learnt that really, I can suck out my opponents and at my level of experience is what gets me through. I learned that I could be lazy in the ring. It's funny. I find it funny but my students would look at me and they would be so ashamed of the fact that I got knocked out and I used to say, you learned more than me that day. It got to the point where it was such a beautiful thing to come in after a tournament and I would tell everyone, I need to know how you went and I need to know what you weren't.

The kids that didn't come first, they didn't come second. They'll sit there and they'll be so proud to tell me that, "I learned this and I need to do this next time I'm going to do this." I get excited when people are experiencing pain and it's such a seemingly masochistic thing that it is not because in the pain is the learning and I know that you're about to up-level.

When you're going through something, watching some of my friends, watching some of my girlfriends or seeing some of my insanely brilliant women that I spend my time with evolve in the last 12 to 24 months, and I get so excited for them because even when they're at those depths, and even when I can recognize in them that wanting to sit on the couch and eat a bag of clinkers, I see like, "You are learning so much about yourself right now. You are learning so much about the ways in which you operate in the world. You are learning about the ways in which you engage in relationships, you are learning about who you want to be it and you don't want to be. Most of all, you are learning what you're learning what you're going to accept and that is, by and large, the most important thing that I have learned is what I'm willing to accept and what I'm not willing to accept.

Angel: If everybody actually operated with this understanding, if everybody moved into this, really truly and really believing within their bones that every single thing even the shit that is fucking terrible and terrifying happens to you, not for a reason but it comes with a unique opportunity to excavate something that will change your life.

It is wrapped up in a bloody bow. It is terrifying and it's horrific, but that it is always there. It is always present. If everyone just believed in that, that in itself would create an army of elevated wokened individuals almost effortlessly because so many people don't want to believe that, they want to perpetuate the drama triangle.

They want to continue believing they're the victim, they make their whole life a premise of how do I prove myself right? They literally create an identity out of their grief and their trauma and all of the things that have fucked them over that asking them to not only move away from that but believe that the gifts are actually there.

They're like, "No, thank you, too hard basket. I'm going to do this instead." The death and the rebirth is just phenomenal at every level of these conversations. When we realize that every single social support system, every single government, every single institution is literally a mockery of how we have been stripped apart from ourselves, and our friends, and our families, and then sold the packaged and processed version, which is paying somebody to listen to you, paying somebody to be your friend, paying someone to make you feel seen in a way that is novelty and in a way that is forced, you will all come to understand that the ultimate slaying of the status quo here is reclaiming your personal power and coming back to the community and using social media as a driving force to find your people and show the fuck up and give them permission to be in whatever it is they are and be whoever it is they are and that they don't actually need to rely on any system to do that.

If you're using medication, you have a therapist. That's fine. This is not the conversation I'm having. This is not making an undermining of you and where it is you’re at and what it is we're living. It is an understanding that whatever we are doing is not working. That every single day people feel unsafe to be themselves and every single day people are being killed.

Every single day women are being abused and tormented, and put in situations where they believe their body is broken, and where they do not deserve to be kept safe, and where they believe that love is abuse, et cetera, et cetera. What Bec has done is showed up wearing pain as her cap and purpose as her badge to say like, "You know what? This is me and this is what I have got and this is what I can offer you." I remember being at the park with you one day and quite literally, this woman coming up to us and say, "Oh my God. You're Bec Cameron." You were like, "Oh, my fucking God, people are listening, people care."

I know what it is I am saying. Yes, hello, of course, they are, because this is the thing in the ways that we avoid pain and we avoid social media. We avoid our purpose and we avoid changing the lives of people who are fucking desperately looking to be seen and to find themselves in somebody else and get the little frequency Batman signal in the sky that says. "Let's do these bitches."

Bec is that person. She is the Batman signal in the sky that is like the bad bitch signal and is like this is a call to arms and say, "You know what? We've been failed. We have not been supported. We were not believed. Now, how do I teach you how to believe yourself back to yourself and feel bodaciously strong in the process?" I would love for you to tell everybody where it is. They can find you and your amazing work and what it is you do should they want to work with you.

Bec: So much of what I do is on Instagram in terms of one, I just spout my pain. I feel like just putting my pain out there the more pain I put out there, the more and I just want to express all the ways in which I felt alone. All the things in which I felt alone, I put that out there on Instagram and that is @the _bec_cameron_coach. Otherwise, you can always find me at my website which is www.beccameron.com and that is where we have tickets to the Bad Bitch Workouts.

The next Bad Bitch Workout is the 16th of November and this is a reincarnation. This is Bad Bitch 2.0. This is me bringing along my sister which is two of the women who I have been transforming alongside and watching transform and the three of us together, it is a collaboration of experience that I just I'm so proud of, so 16th of November. It is a workout and a workshop in Melbourne and Corfield. Tickets are on sale as we speak.

Angel: Amazing. I'm also trying to corrupt back into doing an online version of this, a slew of videos that bring it to your living room. For those of you who are on reduce mobility issues, or perhaps you don't feel safe doing this in public, or perhaps you need something within the safety of your home. Let's all corrupt back to make this available because that will be the next step.

Bec, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for making the world a better place for my children. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to release emotions semantically to feel alive. I cannot wait to have you facilitate the workshops, a radical resurgence next year and I cannot wait to keep training with you when you come home. Thank you for the work you're doing and thank you for saying, yes, to everything that is terrifying and is painful, and for letting your voice be unleashed into the world. You deserve that freedom, my love.

Bec: Thank you so much.

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Angel: If you have a body of work or mission, a message that has been founded on the basis of being the lone wolf and persisting in a state of conviction, and passion, and self-belief, and ruffling of feathers, and breaking the rules, and getting down with your bad self, well, I want to hear from you. Head on over to angelagallo.com or simply look below in the show notes and there'll be a straight-up link for you to get me your information. Get the world your inspiration.

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