Nothing but epic proportions will do this woman justice. Shalome Stone is the woman who has modelled what it means to say, "It's better late than never," and embody that whole-heartedly. She is so effortlessly sensual, motherly and instinctual and has taught me so much.
This birth world and mothering sphere would be so much more boring if Shalome was not here, let me tell you. She is the purveyor of hilarity and adventures in the womb. Shalome is a pro shit talker and just an incredible human being to have in your presence.
Shalome is one of my greatest friends and has been one of the few people in my life that has never put expectations on me. She is consistently there always. You will most likely know Shalome from her magazine, Rockstar Birth Magazine, and if you don't know it - get on it immediately. If there is somebody who is slaying the status quo in the most secretive of ways, it is Shalome Stone.
— SOME TOPICS WE COVER: —
- Giving ourselves permission to let go of everything and reinvent ourselves at any moment.
- Layers of childhood and generational trauma masked by the need to portray a “perfect life”
- Pivotal moments in grief which allow you to break down and break free.
- Growth does not happen in a linear way
- The experiences which led to the birth of Rockstar Birth Magazine
- How the breakdown of a marriage forced a re-evaluation of self
— WHERE TO FIND SHALOME: —
Instagram - @rockstarbirthmag
Rockstar Birth Magazine - rockstarbirthmagazine.com
— FULL TRANSCRIPT —
Hello, everybody, it is me your gal pal, Angel Phoenix Arsenal. You're tuning into another episode of, Slaying The motherfucking Status Quo in Total Style. You might have noticed that my voice and my energy is slightly less gregarious than usual today. However, do not fret. I'm just letting you know that I am trying to salvage whatever voice I have left after three events in two weeks for yet another event kicking off in two days in Melbourne, and it does not take away from how fucking excited I am for today's episode.
Do you know who I have got sitting in from of me in the digital sphere right now? None other than Shalome Stone, who is currently getting her ta-tas out of her top to distract me [laughs] from this introduction of Epic Proportions. To be honest, nothing but epic proportion would do this woman justice.
Shalome Stone previously Shalome, I don't even know how to say her old last name, but who cares because what a way to really embody rebirth and reclamation, and rewriting of our story and reinventing our identity and very much being the example for me. The woman who has modelled what it meant that "it is better late than never". The mother, the crone, the wisdom, the love that I needed in some of the most perilous shit show moments of my life.
I mean fucking before the Phoenix was birthed again. It was like the pile of pitiful ashes and Shalome being this continuous cancer zodiac queen who was just like, "It's all good. It's all good, you're going to figure it out. It's all good." Being so effortlessly sensual and motherly and instinctual and all of the things that she thought me by, you know what, changing her name, by divulging every dirty secret from her past [laughs] in my company and making me still safe to reclaim those parts of myself.
God damn, this birth world, this mothering sphere would be so much more boring than it is if Shalome was not here. She is the purveyor of hilarity and adventures in the womb. She is a pro shit talker. She is literally so funny it is hard having serious conversations with her. What is funniest above all of this is that you would never know on the surface. She just looks like, "I'm a fashionable regular gal just going under the radar, my crab shell."
Then you crack her open and what a fucking paradox this kaleidoscopic woman is. She is one of my greatest friends. She is one of the only people in my life who never pushes expectations on me, never pressures me to perform and is just consistently there always. She started Rockstar Birth Magazine and that's where you all most likely know her from because it's fucking epic.
What I know her from is her multitudes of reinvention in just a few years that I know her. What I'm going to tell you is the way this woman manifests and creates something out of nothing makes me wet with both envy and excitement for myself. I am so excited to welcome her on the show today because if there is somebody who is slaying the status quo in the most secretive of ways, it is Shalome Stone. Welcome to the show bitch. [laughs]
Shalome Stone: You have to love an introduction that says "better late than never". I was like, "Yes." It reminds me too about how as she like said, "This old cow finally stood its shit out, got her life on track. Do you know it took until she was 40." Not truth, but thank you.
Angel: That's not at all what I meant, excuse me. Let's back paddle on the fact that your specific constellation blueprint is the queen of better late than never and it is also the queen of secret-keeping and it is also the queen of staying protected and defensive until you realize that coming out of our shell feels a lot fucking better than staying hidden. That's my point because what you always reclaim sexually is "better late than never", is the one I'm talking about.
Shalome: We are going to get so distracted if we start down that path of going right into the juiciness of the blossoming and when it took place. Before we do and we might, I guess that I want to really bring it to the fact that everything that you just shared about me, and it is such an honour to hear it from somebody else.
We don't ask other people often enough but we don't get the opportunity to hear from other people often enough how they would describe us, what would you say about me, how would you introduce me to something. None of that that you just shared did I know was going to come or was it scripted or had I said, "I want you to say this." It's such an honour to have someone that you care about really put it out there like literally publicly to share how they see you.
For you to say that about me, knowing that you know the bits of me, you know the shadows and the corners and the questions and the fears and the actions that I've taken to become who I am right now in the moment. It's incredible and I think it's probably a really good call out for everyone to say, "How would you describe somebody else. How long has it been since someone has told you how they really see you."
That really takes me into some of the things I want to share today which is stuff that we all have permission every single day to let go of everything, to fully reinvent ourselves in every moment. I know the people we see are probably going, "I can't let go of everything, I've got responsibilities, I've got a house and kids, and a marriage and a job. I can't let that stuff go." It's just so often that we get so caught up in that dynamic and how those roles define us that we think that those are the things that we are and you're not. You are so much more than that. There are things that you do and they are ways that you spend your time, but if you were to strip all of those roles back, if I was to stand in front of you, and say, "Hi, I'm Shalome, who were you?" Chances are, you'd say, "Oh, I'm Sarah. I'm a mother. I've got three kids. I work in a bookstore." Or, "I'm an artist," or, "I'm this or I'm that." I'd be like, "Yes. Okay, cool. Who are you? Tell me the next layer?"
You'd be like, "Oh, well, I'm 37 and I live in Brisbane. I'm the oldest of three girls." I'll be going, "Yes, cool. Okay. Who are you? I think being able to answer that question is one of the biggest gifts I've ever had in my life, and the ability to ask it of myself again and again, and letting go of those stories which no longer serve me when I'm answering it, has been one of the most liberating, juiciest, rawest experiences of my life. That's what I want to talk about today.
Angel: I'm juicing in my mouth, I'm juicing in my brain, I'm juicing in my crotch. I'm juicing everywhere. It is because one of the most unconventional things that you can do, as a woman and as a person is so easy. It's embarrassing and so accessible, it's almost a mockery. That is that every moment of every day exactly as you just said, you have the choice to repulse every story.
Every archetype, every narrative, every single thing that the status quo and society, and your mother and your fucking mother-in-law, and your friends and everyone else is pushing on you, every single second of every single day, and to know that 24 hours a day, at the minimum once an hour, you have an opportunity to be someone different simply by vocalizing more of yourself. Simply by letting more of you be put on a show. Simply by choosing within your self to say something different this time. Simply by choosing to show up in the world in a different layer of the layer that was presented previously.
That is the most rebellious thing you could do. Again, how radical, how excruciatingly simple that 98.9% of the population feel stuck and squashed and stifled, and feel within their soul that they're living and breathing fraud and imposter syndrome because they know they're living a lie because they're not living the truest expression of themselves.
The joke of this all, when everybody feels like fraud and imposter syndrome, they go searching for certification, better jobs, higher-paying, careers. Something that is going to make them feel like they are the more real, more validated version of themselves. The cruel irony and again, the joke here is that we will never feel less of fraud until we put the most authentic express versions of ourselves out on the show.
When we know on a cellular level, that we are challenging every single thing around us simply by existing as our truth. I was asking you before, how the fuck do I even describe what you do? What do you want me to describe yours? The first thing he said was, "I'm a rebirth fashionista." I love that because we hadn't had that conversation yet about the things that we have evolved into what has happened.
I remember having a conversation with you where we were sitting down at the Hungry Peacock, and I was like, "I am so bored of this birth bullshit." You're like, "I am so bored with this birth bullshit." It's like, "What do we do? What do we do?" Realizing slowly and surely that it wasn't being bored of the birth bullshit. Yes, it was absolutely being bored of trivial zero layer conversation with mums who want to discuss the same thing over and over and over again to stay addicted to the struggle and the suffering, and blah, blah, blah.
It was about looking within ourselves and realizing that we needed to know what we learned in birth in Rockstar Birth Magazine, and like me as a doula, and so that we could be completely fluent in a birth before we could become radically competent in a rebirth.
I love that we both come to this place now, where it's like, "Holy fuck, I am not just a mother. Holy shit. I'm not just a secret keeper. Fuck. I am not just the scandal that needs to be written to be the truth. It's that amalgamation of every goddamn part of ourselves that we have been collecting over the last few years, and I love that we're both challenging those archetypes at the exact same time.
Shalome: It's so fascinating, isn't it? Because we're such habitual creatures as humans, and that's why I feel that so many people do feel stuck because often as women or particularly my generation, it's like there were expectations, cultural expectations that you go to school, and then you're going to high school. In my age group, it was like, "Right, work really hard, go to uni." "Okay, I'll work really hard and I'll go to uni." Then, "Get a really good job." Okay, "I'll do that."
Then met a good guy, get married, buy a house, have kids don't lose your job, but keep going. I want you to keep pushing on all these fans. That's what I do. That's how I showed up. I ticked all the boxes. By the time that I was 29, I was a hollow shell of myself that didn't know what was going on. On paper, it was beautiful. I had a house on the beach. I had this phenomenal income, great health, good guy, yet so lost and so unable to pinpoint what it was that I felt I was missing.
What I hadn't realized and I hadn't tuned into yet was that I was missing me. That I hadn't made out with myself. I hadn't gotten into my own depth, I had no idea who I was. Once I stripped back all of those roles that I mentioned earlier, and my old friend, the universe, bless her, continue to show up until I was finally so bummed on the head by it that I was like, "Okay, so there's a pattern emerging here. There are stories and self-beliefs that I need to challenge."
The way that it showed up for me was that I got to that place where I was so empty, that I just felt like there was nowhere for me to turn. I had done everything, I ticked all the boxes. What more was there? Why was I feeling so unfulfilled? Why was I so unsatisfied by this thing called life? Where was the richness and the vibrancy? Where was my fire?
It took a couple of really pivotal moments that the universe gratefully bore to me, that I was then able to take stock of what was going on and really pause, and part of that was then looking back and unpacking all of the habits, all of the cultural expectations, all of the familial expectations, and really redefining what it was that I wanted to hold on to and keep and that I honoured and treasured, and what I was just going to fuck right off.
I'm talking about going right back to like your wounded child and generational trauma, things that you've carried on from your mother and her mother before her. What is the story that is emanating from you that you're just not seeing because you're too busy over here living the perceived perfect life? What is happening, that you aren't acknowledging and yet, you really need to and that was what came up for me.
I had a good childhood. I've got great parents. I have a happy family. I ticked all the boxes as I said earlier, and it wasn't until I was 29 when a couple of those things happened that I really brought home to me. It was like, I woke up. They were such big and traumatic and emotive things that I was shaken until I woke up.
My story is that when I was 29 and married and living on the beach, and all of those things, my brother passed away unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident. Actually, it was 15 years ago, yesterday. 15 years ago that my brother died. That moment was one of those pivot things where it feels like the earth has shifted on its axis a little bit, and it's never going to go back exactly the same.
I can describe it also, it's exactly the same feeling when I give birth. When I give birth and your new baby comes, and it's like that it shifts a little bit, and it's like, I look around and people are still doing their day to day like they're buying bread, or they getting petrol I'm like, I want to sort of pause and say, " Did you see what just happened? Nothing's going to be the same ever again. That was my experience in my babies, and it was definitely the experience in the loss of my brother.
I did the expected things, I was still going through the motions, I came home, I supported my parents, we buried my brother. Then I just kept going. I remember in that 12 months after his death thinking is that it? Is that it? Am I living this life, and yet it can go so quickly in an instant? I created a new, not wholly sustainable mantra, which was just, fuck it. I started doing things with my life. I was like, Fuck it what have I got to lose?
Because essentially, I was ready to lose everything, and that was what I realized that I was living this facade of life and yet I've now experienced that life itself, that very core heartbeat could be taken away so quickly that I thought, "Fuck it." I started making reckless decisions. I started making wild decisions, I started living on the edge and it was the most liberating freeing being sensual, pulsing, throbbing time of my life. It was my first rebirth. During that time. I gave birth to my daughter and I then went on to have a whole bunch of other stuff, but part of that was that my marriage broke down. My brother's passed away. I've then gone on to have a baby. My marriage is breaking down, and throughout these couple of years, I'm thinking, "What is it that I want now? I've essentially got a blank canvas. How do I want to step into this new space?"
I wasn't quite sure how to do it because for so long I'd been living this societal life, which is a very logical, a very masculine, a very academic approach to life. What I did was I got my wheel on. I tried every fucking therapy you've ever heard of. I was at Reiki, at kinesiology, I was at spiritual mentors, psychologist, everything. I was just like juicing myself out as much as I could on the spirit side.
It was whilst I was doing that and exploring those things that I grew up this really intense download. I was in this crystal massage, which was like nothing else I've ever had. The guy that was doing it, stood to me in the middle of this message, he said, "Whoa, I just had this incredible download about you." It was like I was standing in front of a file of facts and it was going backwards quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly through the backup your life and it suddenly stopped.
"When you were four years old," he said, "Something happened when you were four that fundamentally changed the way your life went forward." I was lying on this bed with these crystals down my belly going, "Four? What the fuck happened in the summer of '79 that --" I'm going, "I don't know. Nothing major." I had to sit with it and really just -- It came to me that when I was the oldest child, my brother was 18 months younger, and when I was four my mum was pregnant with her third baby and she went on to have a stillbirth of my brother, her son, and his name is Doug Thomas. I'd always known that she had a stillbirth. She went on to have all the children and it was always just quite a normal thing that came up perhaps in conversation.
I never ever failed into that energy and I'd never realized what impact that had on me at four. I was four. I would have known that she was pregnant. She had this giant belly and there was all this excitement about a baby coming home. Then, no baby and a world of grief, and the way that I chose to show up or that my personality developed, and this was where my childhood wound came from. It was that I tried to be the “good girl”.
I tried to distract my parents by being the best girl that I could be so that they didn't grieve. I tried to make them happy. I've got the good grades, I became the ultimate people pleaser in my family and in my life. When I realized that, that that pivotal moment from when I was four did two things, that I became the people pleaser and that I sought distraction whenever grief showed up.
I tried to distract my parents when they grieved, and those two patterns then played out through my life for the next like 25 years. They literally just, anything sad or hard, I'd go, "Whoa, that looks a bit tough." "Over here. Shiny, bright object." "Shiny bright man. What can I throw myself into so I don't have to look at the sad?" When I then got to my 29 years and my brother died again, we're going to child.
That loss of child thing came back up that I then, as I said, dove into the therapies. It was over that next 10 years that the story of the loss of a child and what my mother must have been feeling when she first lost her son at stillbirth and then lost her son when he was 27. I remember thinking there's something in this. What is the story for me? What are the learnings that I'm supposed to take from this?
I got to this stage where the universe over the next few years gave me permission, gave me the opportunity to break down and break free and surrender and release through my own loss of child story. I took the threads of what had happened with my mother that I'd carried in my father and in my womb.
When I then birth my child and my marriage breakdown, I then had to go through that same struggle in a different scenario, but with my daughter who I had to share with another home, who I had to fight for in the courts, who I had to show up for in terms of that-- The biggest fear I ever had was losing my child. It kept coming up for me and I was going.
I remember sitting there and just thinking, "What the fuck is going on? First, my mum had a few babies now my baby. I look like I'm going to lose mine too." I just couldn't work out how to take it forward because I felt so out of my power. I felt these decisions were being made for me. People just died or babies just died or courts just took children away and I couldn't work out how I could influence that in some way. How I could call in my resources, my reserves. I didn't know what they were until I did.
Angel: It's so hard for me to be coherent with how unbelievably layered this story is on a spiritual, psychosocial, social, cultural fucking-- There are so many layers to this. All I keep thinking is how remarkable is life and the divine timing of everything, and the body intelligence of who it is we are, and epigenetics as the ultimate story that is told, held and shared until we break and learn, and until we break learning and breakthrough.
How lucky are we to have enough humility and curiosity to lean into all of this darkness, to lean into all of these questions and learn to ask better questions. Learn to be even more presence and be totally okay getting whisked away in flames knowing what we know now that we know, that there is always something that is going to be around the corner. That there always a lesson and a gift and more to learn about ourselves and how amazing it is.
Just, obviously, I know this about you, but even watching you say that so succinctly. This isn't just about like honouring you and introducing you as a powwow, but it's also witnessing your story. This is the power of storytelling in full motion. This is being able to see ourselves in other people by allowing ourselves to sit and actively listen and witness the story in parts, in layers, in everything that is dark and bright and epic and epiphany, but also disastrous and totally sad. Being still in every single one of those feelings.
Holy fuck, for me, the patterns, the patterns were something that was embarrassing to me when I started digging into things. I was almost mortified like, "Fucking here she goes again on going the same damn thing. Good for you bitch." Until now I realized that the patterns, the things that we see as behaviour or bad habits or history repeating itself or occurs, is in evolutionary invitations to switch shit up.
It's, in fact, the exact thing that needs to happen for you to recognize your old tricks, and be bored as fuck with your nonsense in order for you to ask better of yourself, and in order for you to sever the parts that don't serve, and again, reinvent your way forward. Reimagine how you deal with that. It's like, "Okay, what new behaviour? What new tricks am I going to learn? What are the lessons? What are the gifts? What's my new bag of hacks?"
If you actually lean into those things and you really do it in a way that -- Thank you for sharing that story graciously, because 10 years is a long time. We don't need to grow in a linear, masculine, really conventional way. If we wanted, we could sit and do something for five days and see the quantum leap. Fuck, if we were just able to sit within ourselves for a day, we could quantum leap that level of self-growth and self-excavation and self-actualization within a week, probably.
Three days, two hours. When we are willing to be in our sadness and our grief and our embarrassment, and be within knowing nothing and being within, I will never have closure, I will never know everything it is my human brain wants to know, and that is totally okay. It's remarkable.
Also what I'm witnessing here is your mother, I can almost guarantee had nowhere to channel her grief, feel her grief. You, knowing you how intuitive you are, how empathic you are, how sensitive you are, how incredible you are holding space. I can just imagine you being her lifeline at that part in time.
You weren't people-pleasing, you were saving your mother at that point in time, just like you do with so many of the women that you have affected in your line of work. It's not that it was a curse. It is the thing you needed to know so you could change people's lives now doing the work you do, but in that pattern, you recognize martyrdom versus service. Loving and holding space versus killing myself being there for everybody else.
Holding space for myself versus spreading myself so thin I become a goddamn condom for the world's lake offshoot. It's not a bad thing. It's knowing those experiences and recognizing the patterns and the opportunity for rebirth, but also being like, "Wow," because now what you got to do is really truly heal your mother's wounds by being within yourself and being in those feelings epigenetically.
What you do for your girls, obviously is huge. Huge, right? The loss of her baby and then the loss of her son and then the loss of your brother, and all of the death that is the precursor to life is everything. It's everything that is poetic. It is everything that is on purpose. Literally, rebirth fashionista is fucking let's follow the breadcrumbs from the universe and the little yellow brick road to where you are now.
Shalome: It's like I had to be born to the ground to get that permission, and that's why I'm here today. That's why I'm sharing this story because you and I both know that every person that's tuning into this episode, everybody that is hearing our words has the same gift, the same opportunity to break into that multifaceted journey that is life. To be able to look afresh at their own story, their own habits. Their own self-imposed limitations and to be able to burn it down, to break free, to release themselves from those confines.
It's that ability to be able to step into their power. By power, it's such an often-used phrase. "Step into your power," but I'm talking about that unique throbbing posting thing in their wary, that fire in themselves that is unique that nobody else knows about to be able to really get at that, and to be able to let their truth just roll off the tongue unencumbered without plagiarizing it or putting it into phrases that other people want to hear.
To be able to speak unapologetically even it offends, even if it upsets, even if it breaks that mould of people-pleasing. That to me was the biggest gift. When we talk about being able to, as you just said, sit with our stories for a day or a week, I feel like that you can change who you are. You can have that pivotal epiphany, that pivotal moment in one single setting.
I feel like the more that we share our stories in their true ugly, crying, messy, sobbing vulnerability, they're better because if people just think that, "Yes, I've got it all together and I got through my marriage breakup, and I've moved on, and I've had another family, and it's all tickety boo." In many ways it is, but it has been the journey to that place and the ongoing journey. It's literally a daily unravelling that that's the life I want. That's the reason-- I want the picket fence. That's not what I'm striving for.
Angel: Fuck that.
Shalome: It's like that's letting people know that that the more you explore, and the more you uncover, and the more you really reevaluate your patterns and your self-belief, and it's not always pretty right. The choices that you're making to be able to look at that and really honour all those aspects of you. That's where the rebirth comes in.
It's so fascinating for me that so much of the conversations that I have with women around this are after they've given birth because that's what birth does. It illuminates all of your shadows, all of your fears. For me it was loss of a child, all of those childhood traumas, everything comes up. It's the hide when pregnant. It's like you're so intuitive and so in tune that everything is amplified.
When I speak with women about their births and their experiences. It's not long before we quickly move on from the birth of their baby to the birth of themselves and the bits that have been stripped back and broken off and rehashed. That's the juice that I get really excited about. I love babies and I love healthy mums that are in their postpartum period, but I'm more like, who is this woman? Totalling it right back to the beginning of our conversation. It's like, "Who are you?" I see birth as such an incredible way to open that door.
Angel: It is, and you're right. I know we've discussed it before. For me, why I fell in love with birth is that it was the only place beyond real true orgasm, where I've felt like the masks felt. I felt like there's a very brief moment where essentially if a person allows themselves to be fully entrenched in the experience of birth, and I mean really like pushed to the brims.
There is a moment where there are no masks and in that, if you do the things that are the scariest and most uncomfortable, you will absolutely be able to be the face of your greatest potential and the person it is that you need to be to survive and thrive in the next stage of your life. When it comes to the battlefield of what it is to be in that space, birth is an identity death. Every single death is an identity-death. Every single birth of something new is an identity-death.
You cannot hold onto the old parts of you into a new way of life, a new chapter, a new way of being a new part of the story. It's not possible because of that- you can't upgrade right here and then not upgrade on the outside. You cannot avoid upgrading on the inside and upgrade on the outside. It doesn't work that way. There needs to be a simultaneous upgrading and for that to happen, there needs to be a simultaneous death for new growth to occur.
Many of us are chasing GMO, fucking farm, mass production, self-actualization without tending to the soil, without getting down on our hands and knees, without getting our fucking fingers dirty, without understanding what a seed is, what a good seed is, what a bad seed is without taking the time to watch the lease fall and everything go barren, and watch the earth reclaim everything in an orchestrated death of epic proportions.
We are so disconnected from that first breath to last breath that we are completely illiterate in what it means to be okay with it that identity death and to be excited about what happens after the shit show. We have no idea the ways that we actually have quite literally lobotomized every major opportunity for rebirth at every milestone in the human experience by sterilizing it, by fucking making it clinical, by taking a bunch of hand sanitizer and jizzing on everything that is supposed to be dirty and filthy and good.
On really making sure that there are 12 blocks of Kleenexes around so that your tears do not move past the reach of your cheek. It's fucked up. We are so divorced from our feelings and we are so afraid of failing, and we are so obsessed with the chasing of immortality that we are forgotten that the only way to be human and to be present, and to truly be engaged with our breath in our movement and our existence is to absolutely embrace death as a part of this process.
As to lean into every fucked up part of your journey as a gift, as the shadow play, as the kinky exploration of, who's the bitch in the dark, dark, dark space of me? Why haven't I danced with her? Why am I avoiding her? We all go to kinky.com, taboo.com all we're cool getting turned on by things when nobody's looking. We're okay coming out to play when we're like in this really hot fucking tumultuous love affair and the true secret part of us comes out and we're like, "Wow, who was that? I don't even know who that was."
For some reason, we are hell-bent on avoiding who the person is. They're stuck in a cage in prisons that we've put in there who's like, "Can we just burn everything to the ground so I can come out and play because I'm bored? I'm bored with your bullshit." How these moments present themselves multiple times a day, multiple times a week. Birth and death and like intimacy, true intimacy are the three places in life left for us to harness that level of psychedelic transcending, transformative, fucking mutative identity death and rebirth and what have we done? We've sterilized every single one. We've junked food, driven through every single one and we package it and we give it to you. We've consumed birth and death. We've literally pathologically consumed birth and death. We have put it into a package. How do we reclaim this? How do we literally decide like I am not a cyborg? I would really love to feel alive right now. Then the people around us start dying and we're like, "Shit, this is not a joke. This is not about my superannuation. This isn't about my mortgage. This isn't about my fucking-- "What are my Jewish parents going to think about me divorcing my husband?"
No, it's about right now. If you were to die, walk out of your house right now. What would people at your funeral be saying about you? What would your ghost think? Would it haunt this fucking earth because it was annoyed with you, yourself; me, myself, and I? Or is it in an orgy of celestial proportions because it's like, "Damn, I lived a good life and I'm so glad that I didn't fucking wait for things to be perfect or for things to make sense. Fuck, I'm glad I just stopped being that boring bitch who complains and he's unhappy and is victimized and he's dramatic and who sulks in the bathtub?"
"God, I'm glad my kids got to know who I really was. God, I am glad that my story was told not by somebody else but by me in the ways that I showed up and in how my story was lived so authentically. It was etched as Brit and Morse code and mystery magic into the red parchment fucking paper of my womb." That keeps going and keeps going and keeps going. It just blows my mind how boring people can be. It's all because they're dead set on avoiding death, avoiding pain and avoiding feeling.
Shalome: I was the mistress of distraction and avoidance. I literally rocked that world. After the experiences of the stillbirth of my brother, the death of my brother, the birth of my daughter where I totally handed over my power. We talk about death and birth and life is like that where I just said, "Tell me what to do. I don't know what I'm doing here." Then to have to go to court and I would totally in my experience package that court, that relationship breakdown and that fear that some other third party, middle-aged old, patriarchal white man was going to make a decision about your family that you had no control over as being just as sanitized and terrifying as the sex birth and intimacy ones.
After I've had those four experiences where I felt like I hadn't really lived them, I hadn't been fully present that I had gone through the motions and done what I thought I was supposed to do. It was after that that I thought, "Fuck this shit. I am not walking through life with this anymore." I did burn it to the ground. I was back on my knees, and I remember, it's so funny, speaking with my psychologist about 10 years ago and she was saying to me-- My marriage had broken up. I was on my own. I was single. I was living by myself for the first time ever.
I had my young daughter and I was distracting myself and she was saying, "Shalome, you need to get in the hole. You need to feel it. You need to sit down and welcome in sadness and grief and anger and frustration and get them all to sit around the table. Invite them in for dinner and sit there and do not leave until you've felt them." I remember being in the session with her and simultaneously laughing and crying and going, "Do I have to actually like get in the hole? Could I sit on the edge of the hole and just put my toes in because--" She actually banned me from dating [laughs] for about eight weeks once I got in the hole.
The hole was shit, the hole was awful. It was bad. However, it was also where I had been hiding. It was in the hole that those shadows and that dark goddess were waiting for me. By being with her and licking my wounds and dancing that dance, that was where I found myself. I didn't stay in the hole for that long but it was the perpetual avoidance of it that was why the universe kept bringing it up, and I kept bringing up these opportunities because simultaneously orgasmic and painful journey to step into that space.
After I'd been through that experience, the next time that I became pregnant, for example, I was like, "Fuck this. I'm never having an experience like the one I had before where I handed over my power. I am taking this birth and I'm owning it and you fuckers better get out of the way because this is how it's going down." I manifested the shit out of that and when I rolled that baby out, it was the most powerful, Amazonian, warrior-like, fire-shaking, womb quaking experience of my life. I fucking owned birth.
That was a really pivotal moment for me because it showed me that I had that power, that I had that potential, that I could do anything with what I wanted with my life. It was a rebirth of epic proportions and it was all about coming home to me. My baby was great. Total little rockstar dude. That was seven years ago, and I've taken that forward and I've made it too because the universe didn't forget that I still had some learnings to do. It's not like I just ticked that box and I was like, "Motherfucker, you're on the path to enlightenment. You've got this. You can go and sit in your mountain now, you've learned your lessons." Oh, no.
Then what the universe said was, "We just want to really test the theory about the loss of the child. We're just going to throw one more out. I'm just going a little careful, darling because we think you've got it, but we just want to be crystal about that." About three years ago, it became apparent that I was heading back to court and I was terrified because although I'd been separated from my first husband for 10 years, I hadn't really let go of the tentacles of guilt and shame and that sense of embarrassment that I had broken up my family, that I had chosen to leave what, on the outside, looked like a good relationship.
The universe said, "Cool, we're going to go back to court." I was like, "Do we have to, can we just--?" I tried everything to avoid it. Then when I realized that we were definitely going and it was some time away, I went, "Let's do this." I made it my whole life's story. I gave it my whole being. Every fibre was dedicated to “how do I move through this process with grace, with ease, with fire, with gnashing of teeth? How do I bring every lesson that I've learnt before? How do I bring the lessons of the women who came before me? How do I show up in this moment with everything that I've got and really stare down that fear about that wounded child experience, that loss of child?”
Not because I had time because I knew that it was coming, I dedicated some time. Last year, I signed up for The School of Shamanic Womancraft, Jane Hardwicke Collings incredible program. Over the course of 12 months, I journeyed with some of the raddest cracking witches you have ever met in your life. Led by Niamh Fox and Grace Funk, I dived into those shadows. I didn't just dance around the edges as I tried before. I was sat in, stared at, invited in all of those spheres. What was once a fear actually became my power. It's the weirdest thing, but once you sit with what you fear the longest enough, it actually became the most incredible part of like, "Oh my." Because this was a battle.
Angel: When we avoid what scares the shit out of us, we are avoiding the most powerful parts of ourselves. It is that power, that unleashed thing, that digging and what comes out of that well that actually is what's fucking terrifying us because the superficial fear, the on the surface fear versus the actual fear versus the what's lying underneath that fear is every superhero comic. Every single thing that you've seen in an Xmen movie.
Every person who has ever had an immense power knows that that power will alienate them from people who don't see them, don't understand them. That great responsibility will come with that. That with understanding the most powerful parts of ourselves comes an ability and it scares the fuck out of us. It's why the fear of success and fear of being seen are what hold people back from realizing everything as they want to do.
If in your birth and your rebirth you are essentially being commanded to dismantle and obliterate those fears in order for that power to be unleashed, no wonder we're epiduraling every opportunity we have to step into our greatness. We're terrified of what happens when we become who it is we're actually programmed to be. We are terrified to become the phoenix. What happens if I burn everyone else around me? What if I'm too hot to handle? What if I get fucking pursued because my label on my coffee cup doesn't explain that caution hot when handled?
This is the kind of thing where you think that you're afraid of the pain but what you're actually afraid of is how strong you are and then leaning into that reality of, fuck, I can't complain about anything anymore because then I know that I can do it. Oh shit, I can't be the victim anymore because I'm actually the stronger, resilient, supercharged version of me who doesn't get victimized by anything except herself. That's the sobering part that keeps us cuckolded to all of this shit that's like, "I'm scared." Bullshit. Give free rein to your fears see what happens. Give those anxieties free rein and watch how those fears turn to freedom.
Watch. Watch out every false emotion appearing real, fear becomes the exact damn thing that sets you free, which can only be met and fucked and licked and loved in that rebirth.
Shalome: It's that fear of the unknown though, isn't it? That keeps it stuck. It's almost like we would rather sit with what we know, that shit than really step into that potential because who knows what might happen and who does know? I don't know what's going to happen but I do know that I'm giving it my all and I'm bringing it all and I'm up for it. It was over that journey that I did last year. I was the most conservative witch there. I was like a city witch, I was bringing my more logical masculine way of thinking, and I surrounded by all of these women who had done a lot of work before.
They'd say things like, "Where is your house of Kyron?" And I'm like, "Who?" I'm like Cancerian." That's what I know. That's all I knew. There was just so many incredible layers and journeys. It was the best fucking year of my life. It was hard, there were tears, there was the most-- This shamanic journey, this journey within, this learning to see and love and appreciate and honor every aspect of you and to tie it back to where it came from, it was the most incredible of books to read, of chapters to tend because it's like I could see how I become who I'd become.
I could tie it all back to all of these either childhood experiences or relationships or I could just see how the patterns unfolded in the book of Shalome. It's fascinating and I am so grateful that I gifted myself and invested in journeying with other women to do that. I don't know that I would have necessarily embraced it, in the same way, had it been myself because I would have had excuses to get out of it, right? But I had to show up, I had to sit in a circle. I did and it was the most liberating experience.
We did these wild things with drum journeys and meeting our power animals and going on wilderness solos. I've got to tell you this story. We've gone on this drum journey to meet our power animal and I'm a bit curious about how this is going to happen and I've gotten into it, I'm in the zone and I'm in deep. If I imagine that I'm sitting in this kind of crystal cave underground and there are paths coming in and out of the cave off in the dark and the first animal that comes towards me is this bullhead. Fucking random, I've no idea what's going and I'm set there going, "Hello." He comes up to me and he looks at me and he just goes, "Not ready," and walks.
I was like, "Little fucker." This bullhead has just turned me down. Then off in the distance, there's this scuffling and scratching, and I look over and there's this big brown mama bear. I was scared because she's fierce and she's big and she's sniffing the air. She comes over to me and I'm standing up now back against the wall and I'm thinking, "Is she going to eat me?" She puts her nose, her snout in my hand and peels it off the wall like in the palm of my hand. Leading my hand with her nose takes me off and takes me along this path which was a path I'd travelled before when I was giving birth to my youngest daughter where I'd gone for this walk into the dark.
In this field in the dark, there was a fire and in a circle around the fire of women. Women I knew to look at in their faces but they were women I knew who had journeyed this path, this loss of child. It was knowing them and dancing with them around this fire and feeling connected and knowing that on this journey to court and through this masculine minefield that I was not alone. That I could bring and marry the activities I needed to do from a very legal, affidavit, solicitor standpoint with this dance of the feminine and I don't mean it was just a soft and sensual kind of thing. I mean that raw women power that comes from women that roll their babies out.
Angel: Not birthing. That's the strength, that immense depth and strength and actually savageness.
Shalome: There was a fierceness and that was why I had that mama bear, and I journeyed with her all year because she is just an ambler. She waddles along the road, but you try and touch one of her cubs and you've got a fucking fight on your hands and that was exactly what I needed and that was what I brought to court that day. I remember distinctly, I walked into the city from home and as I walked in and I was walking down through the city through those big, wide roads with the big elm trees on either side. As I walked down that road, it's like nine o'clock, eight o'clock on a Monday morning, everyone's just going on their business, not me.
I was going on this fucking battle journey. I felt like Joan of Arc but I wasn't scared and whilst I was armoured, I was ready. I wasn't coming in to even come in with the sense that I had to kill the enemy but I did absolutely have to come in and stand up for myself. Just stand there with two feet grounded unflinching. Just stare that court in the eye, to stare that process in the eye, this awful legal experience deciding where children live and to bring all of my power to that.
As I was walking down the main road, I felt I could feel the thousands of women who had gone through that experience behind me walking in solidarity and I mean fucking thousands. It was like there was a riot in the city. It was some other fucking match. Those women who had lost their children whether it was through stillbirth, whether it was through family trauma, whether it was through accident, but they came and they stood beside me. Then the trees, it was like I joined the drive. It was like they uprooted and they were coming and gliding down the street with me.
That's the most incredible-- You would think I was in a shamanic drumming journey at the time. I wasn't, just walking down Burke Street but it was like the most phenomenal connected, interconnected, celestial experience of my life. I knew then that walking into that place, that building that was going to have this decision point, I was bringing all of my power. I had not handed over my power to some random judge in this instant, that I had done my activity I needed to do but I was bringing all of me. I was bringing my full expressive energy. I was unapologetic in that and it was fucking awesome. That was a birth that day.
Angel: That reminds me so much of the intelligence of the trees and how we heal each other and feel each other. I talk a lot about this in my training and I just took the girls on a breath journey, a shamanic journey where I was channelling just last week and the whole thing was about going to our pain and our sickness and healing it so that our roots, our core, our heartwood is strong enough to support all of our sisters who are unwell and as an honour to all of the people who've come before us who are trying to hold us up right now. That belief that every single time you feel lonely in the drudgery and the flames of you being burned literally or you being burned metaphorically, you are always being held.
Also, on that note, as we end, I want to consider-- Not consider. This is a commandment for you to take some action, my love, on Rockstar Rebirth Shalome version 2.0 which is a podcast that I'm seeing so clearly in my head and a book and it is all about how you went from just rockstar birth to the fucking Mick Jagger of reinvention and rewriting story.
I want to see your moves like Jagger, that's what I want to see. That's what I'm seeing in my head, is you're going to do it because there are hordes of stories that need to be told and there is a book begging to be written based on everything you have learned in the fucking minefield of writing and rewriting your story a thousand times and how you celebrated every one of those rebirths as a chapter and as a new story. I really feel like you need to lean into that.
Consider that your official commandment/gentle invitation. I love you. Thank you for being here. I know that we both have to go right now. Where can people find you if they want to pick your brain or find out about Rockstar Rebirth?
Shalome: You are such a witch. You cannot just come in and say, "Hi Shalome, thanks for coming. By the way, bitch, I've got your number, I see you," and you know this is what I do, right? I give the advice, I'm sharing the stories, I'm inviting people to do their own birth, rebirth, pivot point and you're like, "Aha, yep, Shalome what about you?" and I'm like, "No, no, I'm busy over here, I'm helping the people, I'm changing the dialogue," and you're like, "Mm-hmm."
Angel: I also said before, imagine what's going to happen when you make $2 million by stepping into your brilliance. I remember a time in your conversation about maybe it's a divorce thing, a divorce coaching. It's just, "Come to me." You're literally going to create a rockstar rebirth and that is it's better to burn out than fade away. How the fuck are you going to bring the Kurt Cobain, the poetry, the drama, the theatrics to everything that is like Isis and fucking Athena and all of that? I want to see you do it. That's it. You're going to do it. Sorry, go on, what do you do?
Shalome: This story, I told before about how my psych was saying to me, "Get in the fucking hole." I'm like, "Can I do it around the edges?" I'm just reliving that at the moment where you're the one saying, "Get in the hole, sister. Set the world on fire, live into your cool, vibrant, cosmic potential." I hear you, I'll take you, it's a dare. I'm always up for a dare. I'm going to honour my story and not just share it with your people on your podcast but to take that to next level because Rockstar Birth 2.0 is ready and all it's been waiting for is me.
Angel: We should do a Rockstar Rebirth workshop actually at the new Billionaire Babes Club. Can I just say that I just saw something today that made me think about what we're talking about? On February 8th, 1943, Nazis hung 17-year-old Lepa Radic for being a Yugoslavian partisan during World War II. When they asked her names of her companions, she replied, "You will know when they come to avenge me."
What I thought when you were walking down Bourke Street and what I have thought when I'm in these scenarios of rebirth is that you don't need to know, I know. You don't need to know anything but what you do need to know what kind of discomfort I'm saying yes to right now to create freedom to those who come after me and how if we all burned together, at least we're burning in good company. How fucking cool is it that there will always be somebody who is going to avenge the show that we're creating right now and how sick are those avengers going to be.
You can find her on her website at rockstarbirthmagazine.com. I definitely insist that you go check her out. If you are about have a baby, yes, ton of great info but more importantly, if you're willing to say yes to the obliteration of everything it is that you know in order to say yes to the rock star who is aching to take up space on the stage of the Rod Laver Arena of your life, Shalome is the one to go see. Thank you for being here. I love you.
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