I’m coming at you today with an absolute doozy of a conversation. It is a conversation that I have been too scared to have in the past, for fear of possible repercussions. For fear of how I may be seen. For fear of who may be watching and listening. But you know what, no more. If not now, when? When will we stand together and speak up about the issues that affect us the most, and demand for change.
So let’s have a real conversation about the complete non-existence of support top to bottom for single mothers, single parents and the absurd reality that we’re forced to live in on a daily basis. On a policy level, a government level, political level we are in crisis mode due to the complete lack of support for those of us that need it the most. We have to jump through so many hoops, fall in line, live a life according to the checks and balances that the government determines are best, but who is it really “best” for? We’re unable to make the choices that we want to make in the timeline that works for us. We must submit to what society has allowed to happen, or we will be severely penalised.
Join me in speaking up. Join me in thinking more deeply about the ways that we can affect change, and demand to be heard, understood and taken seriously. This is a recent Instagram Live that has been turned into a podcast episode for your listening pleasure. Enjoy and spread the word.
-- FULL TRANSCRIPT --
Angel Phoenix Arsenal: Hey, hey, hey, sexy little things. It is me, Angel Phoenix Arsenal, previously known as Angela Gallo, and you are tuning into my podcast, Slaying The Status Quo in Total fucking Style. Look, I'm all about breaking the rules to make your best work, and I'm all about breaking the rules to live your best life. This little audio sensory experience that I curated with my blood and my sweat and my tears, well, it is here to lift those of you up and celebrate those of you who are rebels with the cause, the cause of self-love, the cause of self-reverence, the cause of expression, authentic living, in a world that wants you to be anything but yourself.
This is for those of you who make fashion out of, "Fuck you. I'ma do me." I am going to take you to the Church of Angel. I will unleash the sermons. I will share my philosophies and my poetry. I will get you thinking outside the norms. Other times, I'll be interviewing guests that will blow your actual mind to a place where you can meet the newest upgraded version of yourself. Buckle up, hold on to your panties, it's going to be one hell of a ride.
I just did a post about the topic of today's discussion, and the topic of today's discussion is the complete non-existence of support, top to bottom, for single mothers and single parents and the reality of what the fuck is actually happening on a government level, on a political level, on a global crisis level, and why these are conversations we need to be having because there are people falling through the cracks. Now, full fucking disclosure, I am going to say "women", because it is just completely disproportionately crisis mode on this end, and not towards the single dudes.
This is something that I just can't keep quiet about anymore. It is something that I've been not having the conversation about because I have seen my friends fucking literally dragged by the teeth through court systems, I have seen people mortgage their houses over and over and over again to fight their psychotic ex-partners in a system that just truly doesn't give a fuck. I have seen misogyny and the patriarchy and the genderism and the sexism and the xenophobia and the homophobia, rampant through every aspect of birth and parenthood, the postpartum experience.
I am absolutely sick of not having these conversations because I'm afraid of whether I'm going to piss someone off who's too fucking up high in the chain, whether I'm going to have my own kids taken away from me. I'm fed up, I'm annoyed, and I really believe that it is my obligation to have these conversations with you. I also believe that many of you actually need a reality check as to what is happening, and why this impacts someone who is trying to run a business, who's trying to fucking live and feed their children and literally get through the day-to-day, and why we shouldn't be surprised at all that suicide is the number one way that women and mothers are dying after they have babies.
We are at a crisis fucking tipping point. I understand that a long time ago, we had to create martyrdom, because martyrdom was the only identity that we were allowed to have, and it was our saving grace in many of the ways. I get it. However, right now, where it is that we are at, and what this is costing us, and how we are crumbling, is quite literally something that I cannot sit back and stomach anymore or pretend is not happening. I can no longer pretend that my... Not even pretend. I just didn't feel safe having these conversations with you.
I want to talk about what the government uses against you. I live in Australia. I'm Canadian, for those who don't know. I don't want to hear any conversations about, "New Zealand is better. Sweden is better. Finland is better." This is a shit show happening all around the world. This is literally what it looks like all around the world. I need you to understand that before you start defending the government, defending politics, defending fucking nurses, defending midwives, defending maternal health care, defending childcare, stop. The more that you allow yourself to make this a personal attack on you, the longer we don't have the conversations that actually need to happen because people are suffering.
I work as much as I do, not for shits and giggles. I work as much as I do because I know that my convictions, and my soul, and the places that I'm being called to fucking plough through at speeds that are rocket flavoured are not happening because I chose to follow the things that are extra -complicating or extra -hard or "I just want to make my life so much more fucking difficult for shits and giggles". I'm realizing that a part of me has been surviving this long so that I would be strong enough to be able to be at the front lines of major political and government dismantling, major activism and advocacy that doesn't just fucking change policies for voting time.
People are like, "Oh, that sounds so cute. I'm going to vote for that guy," but really, in a way, that cease the objectives and that impact and those short and long term objectives and goals tackled like a motherfucker. I am going to bring in my personal experience so that I don't need to use the experiences of the hundreds of people that I've worked with, and the dozens of people that I work with intimately into this because of confidentiality, but I will speak about my experience. I get $57 a month in child support for two children who are six years old and four years old. Do you need me to say that again? I get $57 a month child support for two children.
My company this year, and I'm coming to you in total fucking transparency, this year has brought in $758,000. I've spent $500,000 to grow it, and I brought back $59,000 as an income for the year. "Oh, I'm being supported through all of this, whether this is my ex-partner, whether it is the government", is actually fucking appalling. This is not going to be a conversation about my ex-partner, because it's not even worth it. This is about why have we normalized the culture that literally puts no responsibility or holds nobody accountable, except for when they're jizzing, and they're making the kid, and then off we Dudley-do.
We're having conversations about things like termination and abortion, and all these self-righteous conversations that actually infringe on the total sovereign entity and bodily autonomy of the people fucking experiencing it, instead of actually having the conversations of, "What the fuck happens after the fact?" Let me tell you that a dude can disappear with no accountability. I'm telling you right now. It doesn't matter how much he loves his kids. He sees them 36 days a year. That's it, if they're lucky. I don't get any help for school and I don't get any help for fucking childcare. I don't get any help for food, I get nothing.
Let me also tell you how expensive life is. I spent $120 a day on childcare for my daughter, Ruby, and after school care, I'm spending about $75. This doesn't include uniforms, which are a fortune, school fees, and everything else in fucking between. Nobody is helping me. Nobody. There's nothing in place to help you. I need you to understand that I am declaring $59,000 a year in income. That's literally not much at all. Let me tell you, I am fucking lucky because my business is my life and my life is my business. What happens to people who are not as lucky and as privileged as me? Just fucking curious.
Because if I am as privileged as it can get at this moment in time, and I am being screwed, left, right, and centre, what actually happens to everybody else who is not as strong as me or as much of as an asshole or fucking assertive or, or, or? Who doesn't have a phone, who doesn't have internet? This is really, really important. I just got a call last week from the two childcare centres to say, "You have been paying the full price since October because you didn't vaccinate your son on time." I have been charged $8,000 in childcare fees. On top of that, the government took it upon themselves to then bill me an extra $8,000 for money that they are telling me I have to pay them back because I didn't play by the rules.
Now, let me also make something else very fucking clear. They were taking all this money away out of my account for a debt and never even asked me permission to do so. Let me also make something clear, this is not a conversation about vaccination. This is a conversation that you believe you have choices, you don't. We give you an illusion of choice, and if you do not play by those rules, you don't get anything. It's either be the good girl and do what you're told or get nothing at all. In fact, we will always make you pay us back. Always.
So 8,000 in childcare, 8,000 in what basically I have to pay back apparently because I didn't vaccinate on time. It is my decision what I get to do with my children, and it is a conversation that I have with them. Every vaccine they've ever had is delayed until a point where I felt safe enough to do so. I am in a line of work where I am privy to all of the risks and all of the rewards. I'm very fucking educated in the decisions that I make. That is the biggest threat to the government.
The biggest threat to the government is a person who knows who they are and what it is they believe in, who does their fucking research and who makes decisions for themselves and their family. It's the ultimate fucking threat. Do you know what's also a threat? A woman who was expressed in her sexuality, in her sensuality. I have had one of my greatest friends go through court and be dragged through fucking court. She's successful. She's amazing. She's incredible. We have to make major decisions in our life and our career to not do the things we were going to do because it no longer felt safe being her friend, because her ex-husband, who I never met, took pictures of me, took screenshots of my social media and used her friendship with me against her. My sexuality, our discussions about masturbation, the clothes that we wore, used against her in the court system. Used her address in a neighbourhood against her because that's where prostitutes and drug addicts hang out, one of the most expensive neighbourhoods in Melbourne.
I have had a friend whose partner put locks on the pantry and they were not allowed to eat until he said so, until she cleaned everything and then they would let her eat. For years, this happened. The abuse, you wouldn't even believe. She's had to mortgaged her house twice and she's still moving through the court with this man. Now, tell me, in what fucking world does a judge, first of all, that's a whole other story, does a judge get to decide in these scenarios?
What kind of judge looks at a scenario and says, "Yes, this must be a top guy. Using a woman's sexuality against herself and the way she moves in the conversations she has, and the way she judges herself and the way she raises her children", and he's like, "Great, amazing evidence." What kind of judge looks at a fucking man who is literally locking... by the way, my great grandfather used to do this, the level of abuse, you wouldn't even understand... What kind of judge looks at that and says, "Yeh, no worries mate. Totally great. You sound like a class guy. We are going to move on with this fucking court thing. We're going to keep doing it." Because this is my next point. You watch all these movies and you think that this world exists where a woman leaves a marriage and takes the man for everything. You're fed all these fucking lies just like birth in movies is dramatic theatrical painful, and we conditioned you to believe it is so that when the time comes, all of your embanked memories influence your decision. They do the same thing when they have you watched movies your whole life that is either a Disney Prince coming to rescue you or the woman who fucks over the man and takes everything he owns after the fact. I don't know one person who's gotten shit - SHIT - after a separation or divorce. Every single person that I have worked with, conversed with, fucking investigated myself. Every ounce of investigation that I have done in the judicial system and the custody system in divorce, literally does not happen. The only time you see a distribution of assets is when it is so out of control. I'm talking about billions of dollars and there has to be a conversation. I have literally been told that if my ex-husband gets sick, he is able to come to me for matrimonial support. Meanwhile, I'm getting nothing. I have to constantly be on edge. "Shit, what happens if one day he comes after me because I married him a long time ago?", "Oh, shit, what if somebody comes to take my kids away because I say the wrong thing on the internet?" You don't understand what it feels to literally have to think about this all the time, about who it is you are, what it is you're doing, who it is your fucking, what money you're making, who you've got to pay, what rules you've got to play by, what rules you've got to break, all the while thinking, "Will my kids get taken away? Will, this man come back into my life and try and take it away?" Well, all of this shit nobody tells you about. When you get married, it's so easy to romanticize and fantasize and fucking feed this billion-dollar wedding industry but nobody tells you what happens.
Nobody tells you about the majority of people who get divorced 36 months after having a child, nobody tells you about the actual factual shit that you're left with nothing. Let me tell you again because this is going to be a gendered conversation because it is disproportionate to the men in this scenario. Nobody helps you. Nobody. There's literally nothing available to you. I have tried to do this, tried to do that. On top of this. I came into this country, Australia, on a sponsored visa. Do you know what that means? For anybody who needs a fucking kick in the ass to understand the gravity, it means that I couldn't do anything on my own. I couldn't even wipe my fucking ass.
Everything that I had to do is playing by the rules of a system that delays your visa application and delays your permanent residency years and years and years, until you finally, if you're lucky, get accepted. Let me explain to you something, for four years being stuck in a scenario where I literally didn't even know what to do for myself. Because if I chose myself, I risked my children getting taken away from me because if I left, I would be deported because I'm no longer valid on that sponsor visa. Can get a visa, can get a credit card, couldn't get bank loans, could do nothing.
I only got a Medicare long even after that application. You get a bridging visa, a bridging visa saw this conversation about mail order brides and trying to get married to get into this country. It being so easy. People don't even understand how cock-blocked you are. Either you come in and you're basically as Jen just said, stuck to your job, who literally 80% of the cases by the way, statistically abused the shit out of people that they're sponsoring, or a cock- block to a partner and in the exact same scenario, then you have kids with them. Then you put in a situation where you have to literally keep trying, keep trying, keep fucking trying until you lose your mind, until one day you feel safe enough to exit the situation.
When we talk about the intricacies of all of this, and how actually problematic this is, is if women are dying from suicide after having a child because they are so grossly under-supported, they are so grossly neglected by a system that expects them to just have their shit together. Don't talk to me about a fucking village. Your village will not raise your child. Your village will not do anything. If you're lucky, it will satiate you. It will keep you alive a little bit longer. That is a pipe dream. We actually need an overhaul and political level on a policy level and a government level, because it doesn't make any sense anymore.
The reality is, is that if you get pregnant and you have babies, nobody pays you for this. Nobody. If you choose to breastfeed, nobody gives a fuck because, in their brain, it's your choice. Did you know that? Did you know that it's your choice? Did you know that places in America, literally, moms are going back to work two fucking weeks after having children because they have no other choice? They can't even feed their children so their mental health, their children, the bonding that the breastfeeding statistics, the ability to just be in a functional relationship. Two to six weeks. How is that fucking sane? How was that sane? We all get upset.
Look how much shit is happening in America. Yet right on your noses right now, we are abusing women and birthing people on a daily basis by giving them zero-support when they have children. And then you were surprised about the country being the way it is. Then we glorify and romanticize Finland or Sweden. Let me tell you, thank fuck I was born in a place like Canada. Thank Fuck. At least at the very minimum, I know that Canada will provide you with 53 weeks support. Even then, where are the partners?
Are we surprised that they're leaving that they're fucking off and they're not held responsible? If what we tell them is, "Well, actually stitch, you're only needed for roughly two weeks after the baby is born and that's all we'll pay you for. What we'll do is actually confirm that you don't need to be around here anymore, that you can just go. We don't need you." Of course, that man and that partner are like, "Well, if the government doesn't think I need to be around, why should I be around?" Then basically, when they do leave, all that is fucking discussed is that child support.
No one talks to you about crying in your bed, after not having slept. I've memories of not sleeping for days, breastfeeding all night long, tandem feeding all night long because it's the only comfort that I could give my children in a situation that was stressful and that fucking complicated. The next day I would have to get up and run my business and still fucking show up in the world. Then I still have people complaining. I still have people who are not paying me. I still have people owing me $100,000, I still have people that I have to chase, I still have people abusing me, I still have to deal with my ex-partner, I still have to deal with the government and politics and, and, and, and, and.
What you guys don't understand is that when you sit behind your screen and you make judgment calls about women, their bodies, what they do with their bodies, what they do for work, how they make money, what they talk about, you are speaking from a place of literally not knowing anything about how complicated it is, about how devastating it is, and the ways that we are dying from isolation and boredom and overwhelm and total lack of support.
Also, no fun and no friendship and this deeply entrenched belief that our value is in how resilient we are. "Oh, we're multitaskers." This seems so funny, "we're multitaskers". Did you notice that? Making a joke out of our ability to do a thousand things at the same time because we have no fucking choice. I didn't ask to be a juggler, Okay? I didn't ask to be a waitress who was the award-winning Guinness World Book fuckin Records multiplay juggler. I didn't ask for that. That wasn't a skill that I grew up thinking, "Oh my God, one day, I'm just going to be such a great multitasker." No. I had no choice.
Stop using these words, pay attention to the conversations you're having, pay attention to the way that we fuckin normalize on our men that they can't do two things at once. Women, they're multitaskers. You see, these narratives, these things that we say, to literally normalize a culture that afterwards, it's like, "Fuck, what do you do? What do you actually do?" Nobody talks to you that when you start your business, "Okay, bye-bye 27% in tax, bye-bye 10% in GST, bye-bye VAT harassing you at all times, bye-bye you working straight into the night all night, all the time to make your work, bye-bye that you have to take care of your kids and their life and their happiness and their school and everything else.
Nobody tells you that. It's so easy to keep denying that this is a system that is so deeply racist and so deeply sexist, and so deeply misogynistic, and so deeply patriarchal, and so normalized that we believe everything that we are fuckin told. How is this possible that nobody else is seeing this exactly for whatever the fuck it is? You all think that custody battles are a thing? Custody doesn't even exist in Australia. You have a parenting plan, which gets you the good girl stamp from fuckin Centrelink so that you can get your thing. If you do get a custody order, I can't travel, I can't work, I can't do anything because I need to be home every two weeks to make sure that he sees them.
Now, what nobody tells you is for the rest of your life after having kids with somebody, you can't live where it is you want to live, you can't go where it is you want to go. Every fuckin decision that you make, even if your children are begging you to make the decision, has to be in consideration of someone who gives you 57 fuckin dollars a month. I don't care how much you love them. I don't care how much respect to them. I don't care how much that baby was made in love. Don't romanticize your shit to me, I can't afford it anymore. I don't hate my ex at all. He's not a bad person.
This is the reality of the scenario that I literally cannot make any decisions that work for me for the rest of my children's lives because I need to get permission from somebody else. I need to get permission to live my life. That is what fuckin marriage is, that is what having a baby is in this fuckin time and day. Did you know that in both Victoria and New South Wales, there were rules that were literally passed on a government level that meant that if you were a single mother, you had to go to storytime and get it signed off by a librarian who would confirm that you are indeed a great mom.
Then afterwards, your Family Tax Benefit would roll on as usual. On top of that, they wanted to make sure that there was actually no father in the picture and ask that you get a witness to sign an affidavit confirming who it is you're fucking, what it is you're doing and who it is you are dating or were dating in order for them to get concrete evidence that no, you are single and yes, that was a one night stand. Tell me, what's next? A microchip? Up my fucking cunt? Is that what's next? Is that what is next? What is the actual consequence for our partners when they don't show up? When they don't call? When they don't do what it is they should do on a moral level?
But also, that nobody's even having a conversation. That, to me, is the saddest thing because I know that he literally is simply a product of the system. He is literally just a product of how he was raised and the world that made him believe that that was how you had to act. I can't even hate him. I can't even hate my dad. I can't hate anybody because, at the end of the day, they literally are told that this is okay. Why? Because the government does it. If the government does it, why would they believe it's unethical? The contagion effect after is this fuckin place where what the government's doing it, it's okay, it's the hospital doing it, it's okay, if the doctor is doing it, it must not be bad. That's the reality.
The reality is that as a business owner, as somebody who is so obsessed with this, the fact that, I'm just coming to my experience, right? Because this is happening to all kinds of people. It fuckin spins me out, that you guys want the world to change and yet you shit all over everybody that is trying to challenge it, and ask bigger questions and do things in a way that hasn't been done before so that hopefully, things can change. It blows my mind that you take no consideration of what it costs people to do what it is they have to do.
When you don't pay someone, when you give them shit for over-delivering, when you make them feel like garbage for changing their minds, when you make them feel like they are fuckin enslaved and cuckolded to you because you paid for something, you're just acting like my ex-husband. You're just acting like the judge. You're just acting like the jury. You're just acting like every motherfucking patriarchy- poison woman in this world, who is so afraid and so in scarcity and so jealous and so insecure and so unhappy that the only way that they can function is to literally attack everybody else because their aliveness is in adrenaline, cortisol, and negative thinking.
I need you to understand, please, from the bottom of my heart, that you don't get how difficult it is every week to think, "This week, I need to make sure that I earn at least $1,000 just for childcare so that I can show up." If I hop on a call, oh, okay, great. My kids around and you get angry because my kids are around, holy shit, you have a fuckin problem. You really do have a problem. I want you out of my world, out. If you abuse me because things don't get to you quickly enough, honestly, fuck off, actually leave. Leave me all the bad reviews, abuse me, do whatever it is you need to do, I will not stop fighting because I will not let my kids grow up in a world like this.
I have very frank conversations with my children about what it costs, how to do things, how to hustle. I will play the game, don't you worry. I will always keep playing the game. I'm not going to sit back and believe that how is it humanly possible that we are still not covering childcare 100% for women who are trying their fuckin best to build a career for themselves and build a life for themselves when we know statistically, research-wise, everything we know that when we invest in women and girls, community thrives?
You can find that on planet Australia, you can find that everywhere, where they take two communities, one run by men, one run by women. They give the same financial injection to the same two groups. Every single time, the men burn it, and it dwindles literally within three months. The women, they literally grow, reinvest, grow, reinvest, grow, reinvest, literacy goes up, productivity goes up, happiness goes up, well- being goes up, because we know what it fuckin takes to pick yourself off the ground. It gives me goosebumps thinking about it. We know what we're fighting for because we've lost it. We don't want to fuckin feel that way again anymore.
We are sick of being treated like garbage and raped and pummeled down and spoken to like we are absolutely mindless, told that we're crazy, told that we're not allowed to have feelings and showing our feelings gets us institutionalized. It doesn't make sense anymore. It doesn't make any sense that everyone is so preoccupied with things that they see trending and natural disasters and this and that instead of actually looking under your ass and under your nose right now. How are we destroying society at that basic foundational level and I will tell you that every single fuckin time, it is how we treat women and birthing people and it is how we do not support them.
It is how we literally look at humanity and our humaneness as an inconvenience that we must pummel our people in order to make them robots who feel less and who are more productive. What this is costing us is rates of disconnection and disassociation, family breakup, psychosis, depression, suicide, and infanticide that is literally unheard of. While you're all fucking so distracted with conversations about maternal morbidity, amenity, "oh my God medicine is so great. We've lowered this, we've lowered that even though Black women in birth are dying at rates higher than the fucking Sub-Saharan."
It doesn't make sense because if you're telling you right now that we're doing such a great job, and more people are living and blah, blah, blah but what happens is when they leave that room, the things that happened to them, I can't even speak of. What exactly are we improving? What have we improved? Why is it so hard for us to have real conversations without taking things personally, or defending our fucking industries? Or believing this and believing that? Why? Do you understand the urgency of what is going on? Do you understand what it is costing us because I'm telling you what it's costing me? I'm telling you right now.
If somebody could literally come into my accountant and take $8,000 and leave me with nothing with no explanation, with no phone call, with no email, with nothing at all. Don't think that our children are not being taken away without any phone call. Don't think that we're not being put into institutions without any explanation. Don't doubt it. Go and explore psychiatric medicine and a history of psychiatric medicine. Go take a look at the ways that we perform clitorectomy and still do.
The way that we literally use ovary bashers to bash the hysteria out of women with contractions like this. Go and look. Stop pretending that this is not still here. Stop believing that we are so advanced and so kind and that we don't have work to do. We do. The reality of the situation is that we're asked to make babies and be fuck machines and then get back to our pre-baby self and get on with the show. Nobody tells you what it will cost you. When shit hits the fan, they'll say, "you should have known. That's the cost of having a baby. That's the cost. You want to be loved. You want it to be married. That's the cost". We make you so desperate, so desperate to be fertile, that you will literally just suck it up and suck it up.
Did you understand that birth control is a multi-billion dollar industry that you buy into for years until you're infertile and then you spend billions of dollars in the fertility industry?
Everything exquisitely planned, so that you are desperate at every fucking corner. You are so desperate, we make you believe that that desperation equals total responsibility and accountability for when shit hits the fan. You're desperate for it? Not my problem. You're paying me for this? I'll do my best. I don't care what happens next. What happens? What actually happens?
My call to action for you guys today really is to understand that right now your every move, every ounce of support you receive or not receive is dictated on if you're the good girl, if you vaccinate, if you do what you're told, if you show up to your maternal health care appointments, if you go to your doctor, if you go to your OB, your care is withheld it from you. Your health is withheld from you. Affection is withheld from you, your freedom is withheld from you. Financial abuse, all of it, this is the reality. The reality is that people have to work so hard just to see a bit. Like I use this example: Tess who has a cafe. This is a 10% profit if she's lucky. Like in many profit margins.
That means that if she is wanting to make a million dollars, she needs to spend 900,000. Just to see 100,000. What does she need to make in order to see a million? The reality here is that you are reactive and defensive because you're financially illiterate. You're insecure, you have no self-worth, and you're scared. Maybe consider for a second where you are projecting your bullshit from. Where you are operating your life from. I get it. Seriously, it's 2020. We have a platform. We have a space to have these conversations, and I can't keep having these conversations on my own. If we want things to change, we have to make more noise.
If every single one of us did something right now, it would be a mutiny. Yet why hasn't anything happened? I say to midwives all the time. If midwives actually gave a shit, they would all stand up. One, one, one and there would be mutiny. If people wanted birth culture to change, everyone stands up once the world would change. It's our fault, nothing is changing. Don't even make that mistake of convincing yourself otherwise, it's our fault. It's your fault. You want something to change, you take action. You complain and you do not stop until somebody listens.
You know what, some days you're going to cry yourself to sleep. Some days, you're going to want to bash your head against the wall. Some days, you're going to want to drive your car into a tree. Some days, you're going to want to throw your children out the window. Some days, you will literally just want to go under the covers and never be seen again. I am holding space for you. In those moments, the ways that you choose to keep going and keep fighting so our kids don't need to deal with this is the distinction and the definition of what makes you a hero in a world that glorifies firefighters but completely disregards the heroic efforts of us and the ways we survive and put out fires on a fucking daily basis.
This is about going within ourselves and taking radical responsibility in order to see radical results on the outside. That really absolutely starts with the ending of fetishizing, and romanticizing everything that's happening around us, and going within ourselves and saying, "How am I hurting?" "How am I surviving?" "What is the gap here and how can I bridge it by having a conversation that will draw more attention?" "I don't ever want to be in a position ever again where my sexuality is used against me, where my work is used against me, where my work ethic is used against me, where my content is used against me, where my conversations are used against me. I'm fed up with being afraid. I'm fed up of being afraid because of a system. I'm afraid of walking day-to-day down the street wondering am I showing too much skin. Am I saying too many curse words in a public place? Have I been late too many times to childcare? Have I been late too many times to school? Will this be used against me?" I'm fed up because this is the reality of the situation. The reality is that he can do whatever he wants, it will never get used against him. We've created that culture.
Now, how do we create a culture right now that protects us and vindicates us and gets us the financial support and the emotional support and the metaphysical support and every ounce of support and affection and adoration and celebration of love that we need? Please, if you are a woman or a person with a womb, or queer or trans fem, or even identifying as transmasculine as being assigned female at birth, please anyone along the spectrum, please. I understand we're all dealing with our individual issues and hurdles and challenges but if we don't fix this shit at a foundational level, literally nothing is going to change. Nothing.
It's so fucking easy to pay attention to conversations after the fact and do the damage control and bring the bandaid. We're all angry. We're all hurt. If we literally cannot be held at the baseline level, what the fuck? How does anything change? I also want to say something. Many of you asked me what kind of action you can take. I want to leave this little pearl with you. If the house was on fire, if you were on a boat that was sinking, if there was a murderer running after you, you would run, you would act and you wouldn't care if your clothes were on or off, if you were nude, if you smell, what you look like. Your inhibitions wouldn't exist in that state of survival.
Your apprehensions would not exist in that state of survival. You would have one goal, survive. Now if we tell you that this is a dog- eat- dog world and we tell you that surviving is the end all be all and we actually have you living your life day-to-day as if surviving is the only thing that matters. Why are you still living a life like you have all the time to waste and all the excuses to make? Right now, there is a murderer running after you, a judge running after you, a jury and a stake. There is a rapist, there is a perpetrator, there was a problem maker, all hot on your trail.
You are somehow convincing yourself that delaying how quickly you move and delaying how quickly you take action and looking for your clothes, because you want to be modest, and looking for the good girl voice because you don't want to be too loud, and looking for your high heels so you can look good. All of these ways that you delay yourself from taking action when everything around you is ready to take what it wants from you with no apology. You can find the answer to all of your questions there. If you really believe that life is about surviving, if you really are that fucking scared, you would take bigger action. The truth is, you're not. That's why you're not taking action.
You are playing into this idea that life is hard and you are buying into this identity that you are the victim and that you are very much addicted to that cognitive distortion and you're so fucking obsessed with who it is you are at the status level of you, that you're actually dragging your ass behind just so that you can have a story to tell your friends when shit hits the fan, just so that you can have the perfect gregarious theatrical disaster dramatic situation to use in your favour. When you don't want to do the thing you want to do the next day.
There is no more, 'the dog ate my homework'. There is no more 'let's pretend this isn't happening'. There is no more, 'there is nothing wrong'.
Stop asking for so much. There's no more, "vote for these campaigns. Don't forget that you can vote and your vote makes a difference. Your vote doesn't make a difference if every fucking person that you are voting for has zero interest in the foundational levels of our humanity". Once the mother birthing person's mental health is compromised, once their empathy turns to apathy, once they are so starved for affection and attention and support, their only reality is to starve their children and their partners and their worlds for affections and all the other stuff, you're screwed. This is why we're killing ourselves and we're killing our kids.
Society will never thrive if the people building and birthing and rearing society are sick at the core. Do you know why this is important to me? Why making money is important to me? Because of this. I'm fed up of having to have conversations with people about why this is important. Now, if you are somebody who's using the internet, who is purchasing, who is trolling, who is bitching, who is gossiping, and you are speaking in a way that keeps women like me, prisoners, in our bodies and in our world, go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself.
Maybe that orgasm will tip you over an edge where you would rediscover your ability to experience pleasure to maybe, just maybe, finally get to a place that takes you away from your suffering so that maybe, just maybe, you can move through your life every single day in a way that is not about exacerbating and perpetuating your suffering and more about, "How do I bring pleasure to everybody around me starting with myself?" That's it.
I'm going to go work. I'm going to write a Centrelink. I'm going to call them. I'm going to update my course. I'm going to do this and I'm going to fix my whole business top to bottom, every mistake, every pothole, every fire, every complaint, every email, I will do it. I don't give a shit how long it takes me. I don't care. I don't care how often I cry, or how hard it is, I will do it because I'm living in a place where the future is so much brighter than it is now. I am working from a place where I am on Oprah's couch in 10 years and I'm having this fucking conversation on Oprah's couch.
I'm working from a place where I can't afford to lose sight of what means something to me because wherever I am over there, is rolling in karmic billion-dollar bills. Head just can't do it anymore. I can't. In the spirit of Aquarius season, and the spirit of visionary- ish work, in the spirit of believing that this is a humanitarian, philanthropic, collective conscious investment, in the spirit of live-together, die- alone. I'm really going to encourage you as you move into the rest of this year, now that the veils are being lifted and people around you need your help. How is everything you do, every conversation you have, every action you take, going to make this world a better place?
If you can't be a part of the solution, take your part of the problem and go away. When your words are not used properly, you become a weapon. I'm not going to do it and I will not let you harden me. I will not. For all the people who never paid me, who owe me money, who bitch about me, who talk badly about me, who complain about me, who questioned my integrity, who questioned my work, who questioned the framework of what it is that I do, thank you.
Thank you for giving me a point of reference so I know, in my heart and soul, what I never want to be a part of, and what will never leave my mouth and what will never be projected from who it is I am or my skin and what it is I believe in, ever. You remind me what I'm working for. Thank you.
If you have a body of work or mission, a message that has been founded on the basis of being the lone wolf and persisting in a state of conviction and passion and self-beliefs and ruffling of feathers and breaking the rules, or you know gettin' down with your bad self, well, I want to hear from you. Head on over to Angelagallo.com or simply look below in the show notes and they'll be a straight-up link for you to get me your information. Get the world your inspiration.